New Challenges
by astroduckie
Summary: What happens when Tegan meets their new bandmember Max? Will she give love another chance after her previous heartbreaks? And will Max let her in? Tegan/OC Warning! Not a lot of Sara. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Tegan POV**

We are sitting in an office in the studio in Vancouver, waiting for someone named Maxine Di Gennaro. We're looking for a guitar player for the new album, possibly even the tour. I have to admit I'm quite nervous, I don't really like doing these kind of things.

I look at Sara. She's reading a book, seemingly very calm. She doesn't have a problem with interviewing people. She doesn't mind telling them when they are not good enough for the band. I do. I want everyone to like me, even after 33 years, I still need that confirmation from others that I am an OK person.

I sigh, and look at the paper in front of me for the umpteenth time. I have to say that her resume looks really impressive.

_"Maybe this would work"_ I thought

Greg, our producer, told us about Maxine when we still hadn't found a guitarplayer after two months. Apparently they are good friends, and he thought she would be perfect for the job. So we agreed to meet her, and now here we are.

I start pulling on the chords of my sweater, I hate it when they are uneven. And I want to look my best for the interview.

_"Do I look professional enough?"_ I worry

"Tegan stop that!" Sara snapped, without looking up from her book.

"What? I'm not doing anything" I lied.

Sara put her book down, sighing.

"I'm neither blind, nor stupid, Tee", she said, and then she softly added, "You look fine, don't worry."

"That's not... I..." I blushed, Sara could always see right through me. It's a twin thing, I guess.

I'm saved from any further embarrassment by a knock on the door.

** Max POV**

"Come in!" I hear a voice say.

I gently push the door open and step inside the office. I look around the room. It's bright, and very large, it has a beautiful desk. But to my surprise, Sara and Tegan Quin are not sitting behind that desk. I look around some more, and spot them on a couch in a corner of the room.

When Greg told me I could apply for this job, I was over the moon. Not that I'm such a huge fan of the band Tegan And Sara, but I desperately needed a new job. After I graduated, I immediately became a teacher, and after 4 years, I'm ready for something exciting. I need a new challenge, and this, recording an album, is quite frankly the chance of a lifetime.

"Have a seat", Tegan or Sara, I don't really know, tells me, and she motion to the couch in front of them. I let the guitar I brought lean against the edge of the couch and sit down.

I sit down, and the woman who just spoke introduces herself as Sara.

"So, you are Maxine Di Gennaro?" Sara asks.

"I prefer to be called Max" I smile.

"You don't look Italian to me." I hear mumbling.

"TEGAN!" Sara scolds, and I laugh. I can't blame her for saying that, I am as pale a ghost.

"It's OK", I say as Tegan holds her head down ashamed, "I, uh, I get that a lot. But I can make a mean chicken parm." I grin. And she grins back at me. She has the most beautiful gummy smile I have ever seen in my life.

"Well, it says here that you graduated from the Vancouver Academy of Music", Sara points to my resume, "That's quite impressive."

"Uhm, yeah. It's a wonderfull college. I studied acoustic and electric guitar." I say. I feel very nervous, I don't really enjoy talking about myself like this, like I'm the best musician they will ever find.

"And what did you do after college?" Tegan asks.

I focus my attention on Tegan, "I became a teacher, guitar teacher, at the VAM."

"Isn't that like the ultimate musician job?" Tegan asks again, "I mean, normal hours, steady paycheck. Ideal to settle down."

"Yeah, if you have someone to settle down with." I smile, "Fact is, I'm bored out of my mind. I need a new challenge."

"OK, so you don't mind working late nights?" Sara asks, but I'm still looking at Tegan. There is something about this woman sitting in front of me wearing skinny jeans and a sweater. She looks so ordinary, but then again, so beautiful.

I pull my gaze away from her and answer Sara's question.

The rest of the interview went good, I answered all the questions Sara threw at me. Tegan just sat there, playing with the strings on her sweater.

"Allright, one last thing, and then we'll wrap it up." Sara said. She looked at Tegan, who sat up suddenly, as if startled.

"Yes, did you receive the sheet music we sent you?" she asks. I nod my head, as I reach for my guitar.

"Good, well, whenever you're ready." Tegan grins, and I understand that this is something she's been looking forward to. She didn't care about my education, or any other formality, she just wants to listen to my music. _Just like me._

I start the song, called _Dark Come Soon_, without any problem. I practiced it a lot at my apartment, so I was quite confident in my ability to play it flawlessly. I even dare to look around, while playing.

Sara was listening with her eyes closed, and I let my gaze wander over her sharp features. She is a beautiful woman. I turn my head to Tegan, only to stare in her open eyes.

_"Busted!"_ I think. I grin sheepishly at Tegan, who smiles back at me, and MY GOD that smile!

**Tegan POV**

I have to say, so far, Max is making a very good impression. When she starts playing the song, beautifully I might add, she closes her eyes, and it gives me a great chance to look at her more closely.

She has short, dark hair, and it's kinda spikey. It looks cute on her. Her light brown eyes are enclosed by large, black rimmed glasses.

_"Nerd style glasses."_ I think by myself.

My eyes drop to her clothes. She's wearing a vest and a funny shirt with a cassette on it, with underneath the definition of what a cassette is. I smile at that. She's wearing dark skinnies, and underneath Vans sneakers. My gaze goes back up. And that's when I see it, I hadn't noticed before because she is sitting down, but those are definitely suspenders hanging from her pants!

_"She is sooooo gay!" _I smirk.

As I turn my gaze back to her face, I notice that her eyes are open, and she's looking at Sara.

_"She's totally checking her out!"_ I can't help but grin at my new discovery.

Slowly her head turns in my direction. When she sees I'm watching her, her eyes widen, and she puts her head down, grinning at me. I have to smile at her actions, she's just too damn cute. Way too young for me, but really adorable.

She finishes the song without any fault, and Sara and I both congratulate her on her talent. We promise her to let her know asap if she's got the job, and we say our goodbyes.

As soon as the door closes, Sara turns to me.

"We have to hire her!" She says, and it's been a while since I've seen her this excited.

"We have to hire her." I agree with her immediately.

"But we've never had a girl band member." Sara says.

"We've never had a gay girl band member." I counter.

Sara looks at me quizzically.

"She was wearing suspenders!" I grin.

"Oh, yeah I agree." She grins back at me.

"So, do you think this could work?" She asks.

"Yes, I do. She's nice, and she is very talented. We could get along." I smile

"All right lets do this" Sara says.

I bolt out the door down the stairs, trying to catch up with Max. I finally see her in the lobby.

"MAX! MAX! Wait up!" I yell, feeling kind off out of breath.

She stops in her tracks, and turns around to me.

"Hey Tegan, did I forget something?" she asks.

"No no, it's just, me and Sara had a talk and we agreed, that you should have the job." I smile at her.

"Really?" She's laughing

"Really!" her smile is infectious.

She puts down her guitarcase, and before I know it, I'm enveloped in a bonecrushing bearhug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she yells.

"Uh yeah, no problem." Max still hasn't let go of me, and I feel kinda akward.

"We'll send you the demos tonight, but we start recording next week in LA. So you'll be under some pressure."

She lets go of me, and looks at me like I'm a god or something.

"No problem, boss!" She beams, and I smile back at her.

"Don't call me that", I laugh, "We will expect you here tomorrow at 9 AM, for a band meeting, and to arrange you're plane tickets. Don't worry about a hotel either, we rented a house in LA." I explain.

"Ok, boss! See you tomorrow" she picks up her guitar and walks away.

"Don't call me boss!" I yell at her retreating figure.


	2. Chapter 2

**Max POV**

It's 8.30 AM when I arrive at the Vapor Records building. I make sure my bike is locked, and I pull the zipper on my jacket up and down, a nervous habit of mine.

_"Great, I'm gonna be standing here for 30 minutes"_

I don't really know what to do now. Do I wait outside, or do I go in? I don't want to be rude and interrupt something, but, you know, it's still Canada, and I'm kinda freezing my ass off.

A taxi pulls up to onto the parking lot, and Tegan gets out of it. Now I really don't know what to do with myself. I kinda feel like a complete idiot, standing in front of the building.

_"Maybe she won't see me, and I won't make an ass out of myself"_

"Max! Hi! You're early" Tegan is surprisingly cheery this early in the morning.

_"Oh God! She saw me… Well of course she saw me! I'm standing in front of the door!"_

I readjust my beanie hat, and pull on my zipper like crazy.

"Oh hi! I am … early… I was nervous, you know. New people and all…. Wanted to make a good impression." I chuckle nervously.

_"Wow! Real smooth. Could I have stuttered any harder?! She's gonna think I'm a retard"_

"Well, let's go inside. I'm starting to get cold." She pushes me toward the door.

"We need to be on the fifth floor" Tegan informs me, and I follow her to the elevators. She pushes the button and the doors close.

"So, how are you?" Tegan asks.

"I'm doing good. I'm excited, but nervous."

" Yeah, I get it, it's never easy to be the new one. But Jasper and Adam are new as well. So don't worry." She gives me a reassuring smile. I must say, I'm starting to like her.

We walk into the empty room together. Tegan sheds her coat, leaving her standing in dark skinnies and a light blue button up shirt.

"Why are you so early?" I ask Tegan. She starts rolling up her sleeves as she answers me.

"I don't know. I was up super early, and I couldn't fall back asleep. Might as well make myself usefull." She shrugs, and I can feel that she doesn't really want to talk about it.

"That's a cool hat." She points to my beanie.

"Oh I'm sorry!" I quickly pull it off, "My mother always says I'm not supposed to wear one inside, says it's rude."

"I don't care." She smiles, "I'm not your mother, you can do whatever you want."

"Yeah, well" I shrug, "She made the effort to teach me manners, so I can do the effort to listen, ey?"

I shove my beanie in my backpocket and take a seat across from Tegan.

"So you're a little mommies girl?" Tegan laughs, I can't help but blush.

"Sorry, just making fun of you." Tegan apologizes.

"I know." I look at the clock.

"Where's Sara? I kinda figured you'd arrive together."

"Oh no, she's booked a hotel room. I'm not really into company right now." Tegan sighs, "She'll be here soon, I guess."

"So, you're not sleeping well, and you don't want company? Sounds like something bad happened?" I ask. Normally I'm not really one to do the whole feelings talk, but for some reason, I want to know more about Tegan.

"Yeah, but it's personal. I'm not gonna bother you with it." Tegan looks away from me, and I feel stupid for putting that hurt look on her face.

"It wouldn't bother me. I know you don't know me, but we're gonna spend a lot of time together recording. So if you want, I can be there for you. Like, a friend?" I try, I really don't know where this is coming from. Mama will be so proud of me, I'm finally trying to make friends.

Tegan smiles at me, "That'd be nice. Thanks."

**Tegan POV**

I have to say, I'm really starting to like Max. Our time alone is spent with light conversation and some joking. It's the best I've felt in a while.

A knock on the door interrupts our morning.

"Come in!" I yell.

Jasper and Adam shuffle inside, they are obviously nervous.

_"Not as cute as Max when she's nervous, though." _I think

A chorus of hello's fills the room.

"Guys this is Max, our guitarist. Max, this is Jasper, our bassist, and Adam, the drummer."

Everyone takes a seat.

"So who's still missing? Besides Sara, off course." Max asks me.

"Ted, he plays keyboard and guitar, and Greg is coming as well."

"Greg is already here!" I hear behind me. I turn around to see Greg grinning in the door opening.

"Greg!" Max goes over to greet him.

_Oh right, they knew each other._

"Hi little one!" Greg ruffles her hair._ Cute._

They both sit down.

"How do you know each other?" I ask.

"Well," Greg laughs, "We share a crazy ex."

"Not true!" Max argues, "She's your crazy ex, and my crazy former roommate."

"My crazy ex that left me for you!" Greg smirks, "That makes her your crazy ex as well."

"Nope, I turned her down. So not crazy ex girlfriend, just crazy ex roommate."

"So, your girlfriend dumps you, to start a relationship with you," I point at Max, "Her roommate, and then you turn her down?" I ask. This is confusing.

"It doesn't end there!" Max laughs, "She went back to him, pretending like nothing happened!" Greg starts laughing as well.

"In the end, we figured out that we liked each other better than we liked her, so we ditched her." Greg explains.

"Friends ever since." Max finishes.

"Well, that's a story I haven't heard before." _And I'm not so sure if it's really that funny._

"Hey I'm not late, am I? Train was delayed." Ted walks in. I introduce him to everyone.

The room is filled with light conversation while we wait for Sara. It's not like her to arrive last on our own meetings. She's changed since she met Stacey, and I'm not sure I really like that.

I hear giggling and look up to see my sister enter the room, hand in hand with Stacey.

_Great! More Stacey! Just what I needed after my horrible night._ I sigh inwardly, and smile as nice as I can at Stacey.

"Hey guys, good to see everyone is here already." Sara says. She gives me a quick hug, and sits down, pulling some papers out of her shoulder bag.

"My favorite sister-in-law!" Stacey shrieks. I cringe, she really is horrible. She almost jumps in my arms, and I freeze. I pat her on the back once, and then wiggle myself out of the awkward embrace.

"I didn't know you were coming, Stacey." I try to be as polite as possible, but I really want to say: "What the fuck are you doing here bitch?"

"We're gonna visit mum after this, so I thought I'd bring her along. No problem, right?" Sara says, not looking up from her papers.

"Right." I say. I'm not comfortable with this at all, but I can hardly kick her out, can I?

Sara takes the lead in the meeting, she always does. She starts passing out papers, talking about rules, flight info, and other things. I'm not really listening. It's not like I have to, I planned this with her, I booked the flights and rented the house.

I let my gaze go across the room. Jasper and Adam seem like they're gonna get along nicely. Ted is just same old Ted, more a brother than an employee. I shift my eyes to Max. Her hair looks shaggy from pulling the beanie off, but it still suits her. Again, she's wearing a jacket over a funny t-shirt, skinnies and vans, but no suspenders today. Instead she's wearing a funky, silicone-looking light blue belt. The sleeves of her jacket are rolled up to just under her elbows. I can see that her arms are _really_ muscled. _Hot!_

Max must have felt me staring, 'cause she turns towards me and flashes me a look of concern. I smile at her, to let her know I'm fine, and she goes back to paying attention to Sara.

The meeting is over before I know it, and everyone stands up to leave. The boys go first, Max loiters a bit behind with Greg, and I'm helping Sara with packing her stuff back up.

"So, I guess I'll see everyone next week on the plane, right?" Max asks.

I quickly turn to her. "Yes, we'll see you there." I give her a wave goodbye.

She turns to Sara and shakes her hand, then goes to shake Stacey's hand. But Stacey, off course, doesn't know her boundaries, she tugs on Max's hand, and pulls her into a hug. Max goes completely rigid, closing her eyes. I can see fear on her face. _What the hell is happening here?_

"Let go…" She whispers. But Stacey doesn't listen. _She never does._

"Fucking LET GO!" Max growls, and she shoves Stacey of off her.

Time seems to stop for a second, no one knows how to react. Max turns around, and bolts from the room. _I think she was crying._

"I'm gonna check on her! She is never welcome to any of our meetings again!" I yell. I don't even bother to listen to Sara's reply, as I run down the hall to find Max. I'm reminded of how I ran after her yesterday, to tell her she got the job. Now I'm running after her to apologize for Stacey, to check if she's OK. _How much can change in one day?_

**Max POV**

_Goddammit! _I couldn't run fast enough from that room. How could this have happened? Stupid woman, why hadn't she just let go? I fumble with the lock on my bike, I'm shaking from anger and embarrassment, and sadness.

"Max, calm down." I look up and see Tegan standing in front of me, she must have followed me out.

"What do you want, Tegan?" It comes out very harsh. I know it's not fair to her, but I don't want to talk to anyone, I just wanna go home and cry.

"I'm checking up on you. I know you're upset, so I just want to make sure that… I'm here for you." She shrugs, "You said it earlier, we're gonna spend a lot of time together, so we might as well be good to each other, we could be friends."

"I'm not gonna tell you anything.." I have always been accused of being too defensive, even with my own parents.

"I'm not asking you to tell me." Tegan assures me, and I kinda believe her. "I just want to know if you're safe?" She asks me, and I can see the concern in her eyes.

"I am. It's just.." I shrug, "I'm.." I can't seem to grasp a word in my reeling mind to tell her about… me.

"I am not going to ask, Max." But I can see the pity in her eyes.

"I won't judge you. Just promise me you'll come to me when something happens, OK?" Tegan says. "I don't ever make promises. But I'll try." I whisper back at her. "Good enough."

"So, did you pack for LA already?" Tegan asks, and I'm grateful for the change of subject.

"No, I didn't… I don't really know what to expect. I never been there before. What do I pack?"

"Sunglasses!" She laughs, "And SPF 50! Last time I went, I came back looking like a lobster." Now I'm laughing too.

"No beanies, and sweaters then?" I feel kinda disappointed, I hate wearing shorts and t-shirts. I'm not really big on showing skin.

"Nope. If you want, I can help you pack? I … have too much time on my hands anyway. Tomorrow, maybe?" She looks kinda upset, I wish I could help her.

"That would be very helpful actually. I'll text you the address? It's just four blocks from here, hence the bike." I point at my bike, feeling a bit juvenile. I mean who rides a bike at my age, right?

"I actually live like two blocks away, but I'm too lazy lately. I take a cab to everywhere." She chuckles. I can tell that something is bothering Tegan, but I'm not gonna push. I'm not big on sharing my problems, so I should respect other people's privacy. _I wish I could help though._

"I always feel better after some exercise, you should try it?" Tegan just shrugs at me.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Tomorrow. Bye Max."

"Bye Tegan!" I hop on my bike, and head home.

_Shit! I got to clean my apartment!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Max POV**

I've already started packing my bags. I can't believe I'm going to Los Angeles for two months to make music. _Dreams can come true._

I look at the clock, Tegan should be here any minute now to help me pack. She's been super nice to me, I know she kinda has to be nice, since I'm her employee and all that, but she isn't helping the boys, is she. She's helping me. I feel… lucky. This is just going to be a great experience, and I'm going to make new friends and I'm going to have so much fun. I really can't wait, this is all so exciting.

The doorbell rings, announcing Tegan's arrival.

"Hey! Come in! I'm sorry for the mess."

Tegan walks in, and looks around.

"No problem! My apartment looks even worse."

I can't help but think she looks different today. No makeup, not that she wore a lot the other day, but still. Her hair is messy, and her clothes are more casual, no skinny jeans or fancy shirt. _She looks tired._

"You doing okay?" I ask, and I think the question is casual enough. I don't want to pry, but if she does want to talk about whatever is obviously bothering her, she'll know I'm here for her. At least, that's what I think. I'm not really _the_ social expert.

"Fine. So, where do we start?" She changes the subject quickly, and I let it slide. I take her to my bedroom.

"If you could pack the stuff in my dresser, over there? The bag is standing right next to it." I point it out.

"Sure." Tegan moves to the dresser, but freezes in the middle of the room.

"Max? What is that noise?"

_Noise?_

I move to where Tegan is standing.

"Ooh! That! That's just Pluto. He sleeps under my bed."

She looks at me with a weird expression on her face.

"What the hell is Pluto? And why does he sound like a lawn mower?"

I chuckle.

"He's my dog! And he's just snoring… loudly."

We share a laugh and Tegan starts going through my drawers.

"Oh my god! How many belts do you have?" Tegan laughs.

I turn around, to see that she had found my not-so-secret collection of belts.

"Uhm… enough?" I grin sheepishly.

"Are you serious? Do you want me to pack 'em all?" Tegan looks incredoulous at me, and I'm starting to get embarrassed.

"Yeah, you know… I might need 'em?" _God! Why do I have to be such a nerd!_

"For what?!"

Tegan is laughing really hard at me.

"You're a hoarder!" She yells, "A belt hoarder."

I wish the ground would swallow me whole.

"No I'm not!" I try to defend myself, but I know it's useless.

"Well then, explain to me why you have this?" She holds up a fluorescent orange belt.

_Goddammit!_

"Ow come on! That was a gift from my mother! I know it's awful… but the ones I bought myself are awesome!"

"Well, yeah they're cool, but still, way too many!" She keeps making fun of me, and I'm pretty sure my ears have turned completely red.

"Just shut up and pack." I grumble, but I can't help but grin.

We continued to joke around, until the doorbell rang again.

**Tegan POV**

I look up from the bag I'm packing.

"Expecting someone?" I ask.

"No, I don't." She looks a bit confused, before heading towards the door.

I have never seen anyone so uncomfortable about an unannounced visit. She carefully looks through the peephole, and opens the door.

"Mama! What have I told you about calling before you come over!" She's clearly agitated.

"Hello cara! So good to see you too!" The woman says sarcastically, scolding Max. Max looks down.

"Hi mama." Max gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you, honey?" She asks.

"Good I'm packing for LA. Mama, this is Tegan, my boss. Tee this is Angela." A shiver goes up my spine, and I'm not sure if it is because I'm meeting her mother, or because she just called me Tee.

"Hello misses Di Gennaro." I extend my hand. But Angela clearly had other plans. She gives me a very uncomfortable hug, and pinches my cheek.

_What the..?_

"Look how cute you are!" She squeals, "No need to be nervous, I'm not your mother-in-law, you can call me Angela."

"MA! Could you not do that!" Max shouts.

"Do what?" Angela asks, completely oblivious to our embarrassment.

"Be you! You're embarrassing me!"

"Oh please, don't be like that, you're not fifteen anymore." Angela dismisses Max's protest, and starts looking around.

"God, Maxine! This place looks like a hurricane passed through! You could at least have cleaned up before you had a friend come over."

It was quite amusing to watch as Angela started to clean up the apartment, while Max mumbles something at her mother in Italian.

"Mama! Can you just say what you want, and go home? I still have a lot to do." Max looks completely desperate.

"Okay, okay! I know when I'm not needed!" Angela obviously has a gift for dramatics.

"I'm picking up Pluto. I can't make it tomorrow, Francesca is coming over."

"Oh, okay." Max looks a bit disappointed, "I haven't packed his stuff yet, but it's all over there. I'll go get him."

Max went to her bedroom to get Pluto and Angela turned to me.

"So you're Maxine's new boss" she asks.

"Uhm… yeah." I feel really uncomfortable. Why isn't Max back yet?

"Are you into drugs?" _Excuse me?_

"No! No drugs allowed, not me, not crewmembers."

"Do you get drunk often?" _Max, where are you?_

"No…" It's not really a lie, but it's not exactly the truth either… _if you don't take in account the last few weeks, I'm practically an angel._

"Good." She nods her head, "Welcome to the family." She smiles at me. _This is one weird woman._

Max walks back in, carrying a black and white frenchie.

"Here you go mama." Max puts the dog down.

"Thank you. Did you girls have lunch? I can make something if you'd like?."

"No, were fine. I'll cook something when we're done. Go home, I bet papa is getting hungry."

"Yes, probably. If you need anything."

"I'll call." Max smiles, "Ciao mama!" She gives her mother a kiss, and closes the door.

I turn to Max, to say something about her mother, but she looks like she's gonna cry.

"Hey are you okay? I ask. _What happened?_

"Yeah, fine." She wipes at her eyes, "It's stupid."

"What's stupid?"

"I just, hadn't said goodbye yet, to Pluto. I'm gonna miss him."

_Too cute!_ Before I really know what I'm doing, I gather her in my arms, and rub her back.

"I'm sorry." She takes a step back, "You probably think I'm an idiot."

"No, I get it. I miss my cat too when I'm gone. Don't worry. Let's finish packing and then you can feed me. I remember you were bragging about your cooking skills." I change the subject, trying to lighten the mood.

Max chuckles.

"You really are one of a kind, you know that?" She smiles at me.

**! AN: So, That's chapter 3, let me know what you guys think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I just wanna say thanks for the awesome reviews I've been getting! They really made my day! You guys are the best! **

**Tegan POV**

I'm the first to see Maxine when she arrives at the airport, with a blonde girl next to her. I can't help but overhear their conversation.

"So, this is my stop." Max says as she turns to the blonde.

The girl smiles at her.

"Okay, be safe over there?" _Is this her girlfriend?_

Max just shrugs.

"And don't forget to call me." She says.

Max shrugs again. "I'll probably forget."

The girl sighs. "Then write me an email."

"I'll try."

I'm getting the feeling that Max is trying to annoy the girl.

"Don't be an ass because you hate goodbyes."

Max looks down at the ground.

"I'm going to put you out of your misery and just leave. Take care of yourself, okay?"

She pulls Max in a hug.

"I love you" I hear her whisper. _Definitely girlfriend!_

"Yeah.." Max mumbles. She breaks away from the hug and gives the girl an lame wave goodbye.

**Max POV**

I wave Hailey goodbye, and walk towards the group.

"Hi guys!"

"Dude! You're an asshole!" Ted says. _What?_

"Well, goodmorning to you too!" I answer sarcastically.

"If I treated my wife like that, she'd punch me."

"I'd punch you too.' Tegan adds.

"What'd I do?" I really don't get it.

"You're going away for two months and you tell her you won't call her!" Tegan says. _Ooooh, now I get it!_

"I probably won't.. I don't see the big deal guys, I was just being honest.."

"You were being a jerk." Ted says.

"Yeah, she said she loves you, and you grunted!" Apparently Jasper has a say in my personal live as well.

"That's just who I am! She knows that!" I feel the need to defend myself.

"She's probably crying in her car right now." Tegan tells me.

"Why would she cry?" I seriously can't follow their logic.

Tegan looks at me incredulously. "Because her girlfriend left without saying I love you."

_Wait… What?_

"Girlfriend? No! God no! Ewww! That's Hailey! My best friend! That's it!"

"Really? But… you seemed so close.. She declared her love for you in an airport, like, with a lot of people around.."

"We are not a couple.. Never will be.." I can't help but feel sad about that, though. I've always known Hailey wants to be more than friends.

"But she loves you!" Tegan insists.

"Could you all please stop saying that? We're friends."

Tegan bumps my shoulder with hers. "Are you sure about that?"

I want to say yes, I really do… If only to get them off my back. But I just shrug.

"Let's go to the check-in!" Tegan says to the group. Everyone grabs their bags, and moves. But Tegan holds me back. "You are sitting next to me, and you're spilling your guts." She winks and smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back at her.

We're sitting at the gate, Tegan and I sit separately because there aren't five free seats next to each other.

"So, you're in love with her?" Tegan asks.

"No… I'm not… Never even crushed on her…" I look at the ground.

"Don't be embarrassed about that." She gives me a weird look, "There's nothing wrong with not falling for your friends." She laughs.

"I know, but I just… I feel bad… She's my best friend, and I'm hurting her…"

"So she's in love with you?" I nod. "She'll get over it… It will probably do her good to be away from you though." Tegan tells me.

"Probably…"

"Trust me, I'm the broken-hearts-expert." She tries to be funny, but I can hear the pain in her voice.

"You want to talk about that?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"Oh look! A change in subject!" I joke. I hear Tegan chuckle and I feel oddly proud for making her smile.

"Seriously though, where's Sara?" I only just now notice her absence. _Oopsie! _

"She's already in LA. Oh, they're calling our flight, let's go!"

Half an hour later, we're all seated on the plain, waiting for lift off.

"So, why is Sara there already?"

"Well, when we start on a new album our lives get insanely busy for like two years. So she's enjoying her last moments of freedom with _Stacey_."

"What's your problem with Stacey?" I ask.

"Why would you think that I have a problem with her?" Tegan asks innocently.

"Come on!" I laugh, "The way you say her name like it's poison is kinda a dead giveaway." Tegan chuckles.

"It's just.. She's bubbly. She squeals and jumps up and down. She's obnoxious, she knows no boundaries, she has no respect for personal space or privacy…" Tegan rants.

"Yeah, I kinda noticed." I refer to my freak out. "Just tell her to back off?"

"I don't know, I just don't like her." Tegan shrugs.

"But Sara does. And Sara sees the way you treat Stacey." I point out.

"Sara never cared about my approval before."

"But, what if she marries Stacey one day, you'll be ruining their day with your sour mood. What if Sara has kids with her someday, do you really want to be the aunt that sees her cousins only on Christmas?"

"WOW Max, that totally isn't happening!" Tegan laughs.

"Yet! Just talk to Stacey, tell her you don't like to hug or whatever."

"Are we talking about me or you?" Tegan asks.

"Both.. I know I need to apologize to Stacey. Just, don't let something stupid like that ruin your bond with Sara. A sibling is something special…" _What's with the emotions, Max? Get your act together!_

"I'll try, okay?" Tegan reassures me. "When did you become so smart?" She grins.

"I wouldn't call it smart, I'd call it regret and missed opportunities…" I mumble. _Enough honesty! Make a joke! Damn!_

"You know, for someone so young, you seem to have a lot of regrets?" Tegan looks concerned. _That's pity, you fool! She doesn't care!_

"No, just one big mistake. I don't talk about it." _That should be the end of this!_

"Okay, just tell me if you need anything?" _Damn, just drop it!_

"I probably won't" _Good, that should be rude enough._

Tegan chuckles a bit. "You're insane."

"Most likely." I nod, grinning.

"And now, it's nap time!" Tegan declares. "Your blanket is over there."

"Eh, no thanks." I say.

Tegan tilts her head and gives me a funny look.

"It's 4 AM, aren't you tired?" She asks.

_Shit, here we go again._

"Not really, I don't need that much sleep anyways…" _And if I do sleep, I have nightmares…_

"Well, wake me up before we land?" She asks, as I pull out my iPad.

"Okidoki!"

She giggles. "Weirdo!"

"You like me anyways." I counter. "Sleep tight Tee."

"Sleep tight Maxie."

**AN: Happy Newyear everyone! I hope you have a wonderfull night, and may all your dreams come true in 2014!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I know it's been a while, I've been busy with school, sorry. Please leave a review, they make my day! :)**

**Max POV**

When we arrive at the house, it's still morning. The rooms are divided between us. Jasper and Adam have to bunk together, but luckily I get a room all to myself.

I plop down on the couch, and Tegan sits down next to me.

"Finished unpacking?" I ask. Tegan nods.

"We still need to go to the supermarket though." She sighs.

"I'll come with you!" I respond. _Sightseeing!_

"Fine, I guess you're the only one here that can actually cook"

* * *

I go to my room at around 10PM after saying goodnight to the group. Sara still hasn't come to the house, but that's none of my concern really. Tomorrow will be our first day in the studio, and I look forward to that. I lay in my bed and think of all the exciting things that could happen here in LA.

It's past 2AM when I decide to go downstairs for a glass of water. I turn the lights on._ Holy fucking shit!_ I see Tegan sitting at the kitchen table. I barely suppress a scream.

"Tegan! What the…? You scared the crap out off me! What are you doing here?"

Tegan doesn't even look at. "I couldn't sleep…"

"So you just go and sit in the dark in the kitchen?" I question. _Weird._

"Yeah.. Sorry." She slurs. That's when I notice the almost empty bottle of wine in front of her.

"Tegan? Are you okay?" I'm really worried about her.

"Sure… Why are you still up?" _Shit…_

"Uhm… I… ah… I don't sleep…" I admit. _That wasn't so bad…_

"Oh… you should try wine," she holds the bottle up, "Wine always puts me to sleep."

"I'll pass. Maybe you should stop, I think you had enough." I say carefully. I learned not to disturb drunkards the hard way.

"Just a sec. It's almost empty." She gulps what's left of the wine down, straight from the bottle.

I cringe: "Tee, that's not healthy…"

"Not sleeping isn't healthy either, is it?" She counters.

"I have pills for that…" She raises an eyebrow. "I only take them if I really need them…"

"Why?" she asks

"I don't like drugs."

"I meant why can't you sleep?"

"I have insomnia…" _She probably won't remember this conversation in the morning, right?_

"You went to war?!" _Helloooo drunkie._

"No, I never went to war." I chuckle.

"Good! You're too pretty to go to war." That last bit of wine was obviously too much for her.

"Why don't I help you back upstairs?" I offer.

"Why?" She gives me an odd look.

"'Cause you are going to need all the rest you can get, you're gonna have a baaaaad hangover." I laugh, and she just laughs along with me.

I help her up the stairs and make sure she's tucked in. I'm about to leave her room when I hear her sniffle.

"What's wrong, Tee?" I'm back at her side in an instant.

"I don't wanna sleep here…"

"Why not?" _What's wrong with this room?_

"I don't wanna sleep alone…" She sniffles.

"Eh.." _What am I supposed to do now?_

"Stay with me?" She asks sweetly. _WHAT?_

"I don't know, Tee… I don't wanna keep you up…"

"Then take your pills? _PLEASE?_" She throws in a pout, and I swear I can see a tear. _I'm screwed!_

"God! How can I say no to that?" I groan, "Fine, but no snuggling or cuddling!" She nods eagerly.

I go get ready for bed, and settle in next to Tegan.

"She cheated." She whispers.

"Huh? What'd you say?"

"Lindsey… She cheated… for over a year… One day, she came home, told me she's pregnant and she's gonna marry him… I had no idea…" Her voice keeps cracking, and I'm pretty sure she's crying.

"Five years… and it was over in five minutes…"

I don't even know what to say. She turns to me.

"How do I move on?" she asks me.

"I don't know. I don't really have any experience with that." I admit.

"With cheating?"

"No.. eh.. with girlfriends…" I know I'm blushing.

"Like.. ever?" Her eyes go wide, and I feel like such a loser.

"I'm not really big on social contact, let alone physical contact…" I feel the need to explain myself.

"So.. Have you ever…?" She makes some awkward motions with her hands, and I have to chuckle.

"Have I ever slept with someone?" She nods, "No, I haven't."

"Wow.."

"Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic." I sigh.

"Max! You're awesome! I'd totally do you if you weren't working for me!" _Drunkie is back._

"Eh… Thanks?" This has turned into a very awkward conversation.

"Yeah… Like, if you're coming on tour with us, I'm gonna have a hard time not fuc.." I throw my hand over her mouth. _Don't need to hear that!_

"That's enough drunkie!" I chuckle, "Lights out and mouths shuts!"

"Okidoki! Sleep tight!"

As soon as I flip the switch, Tegan turns over and spoons me.

"Tegan!" I scold. This feels soooo weird. I hate it when people touch me, especially when I don't know it's coming. _Survival instincts._

"You said no cuddling and no snuggling. You said nothing about spooning!" I know she's grinning without even seeing her face. I know I'm never going to win this round.

"Sleep tight Tegan."

* * *

"Tegan? Tee? Wake up." I gently shake her.

"Ugh! Turn the lights off!" She groans, while pulling the sheets over her head.

"That's the sun." I chuckle.

"Turn the sun off!" I pull the sheets off of her, and she looks awful!

"I brought you some Advil." I give her the pills and the glass of water. She takes it from me, and swallows the two pills.

"You're my savior!" She exclaims dramatically.

"You'll be my savior if you go brush your teeth!" I laugh, pulling her out of the bed. She almost falls over, but I can catch her just in time. _Thank God for working out!_

We finally make it to the kitchen without any accidents. After saying the obligatory 'goodmornings', I go to make us some coffee.

"Why is there a bottle of wine in the trash?" Sara asks, while looking at Tegan. Clearly accusing her. _She probably knows_.

"Ehm.." Tegan fumbles for words. I decide to cut her a break.

"It's mine. You know, Italians love their wine." I grin at Sara.

Sara just raises an eyebrow at me. "It's French wine, fool." She tells me before leaving the kitchen.

* * *

Tegan corners me when I'm leaving the bathroom at lunch.

"So… Insomnia?" She asks, curious.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I freak, my defenses go up.

"Pregnant?" I ask her, smiling sweetly. I know I'm kicking her when she's down, but I can't… It's how I deal.

Her face falls. "Message received." She turns around and leaves me alone.

_Good job, asshole!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Max POV**

Two weeks have gone by. The wine incident was forgiven, but definitely not forgotten. Today is my 'late-day', I can come in like two hours after the rest does. It's not much, but it's enough to head to the gym. I think I'd go nuts if I wasn't able to work out.

I decide to go buy everyone a coffee before I head in.

In the studio, everyone is huddled together, and I start passing out the coffees. I don't notice her absence until I'm left standing there with my coffee and a cup of tea.

"Hey, where's Tegan? I brought her tea?"

"She's taking care of some business." Sara replies vaguely. Now I don't like those kind of answers. She should have just said that it was none of my business. I give Ted a look, but he just shrugs. He doesn't know either.

"Is she coming in later?" I ask.

"I don't know, Max." Sara raises an eyebrow at me, and I decide to just drop it. _That was one hell of a mean look._

* * *

Before I know it, it's time for lunch and everyone starts piling out.

"Max? Are you coming?" Sara asks.

"I'll be there in a minute… I just wanna do this first." I point to the papers in front of me.

"Do you want me to order something for you?"

"No, I'm good." Sara gives me one last odd look and then leaves with the guys.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Sara just sent me a text saying they were at the diner. I spot them as soon as I walk in.

"Hey guys! I'm back." I greet them and take a seat.

"Hey, how are you." Sara asks concerned. She looks weird when she's concerned or upset, her forehead gets all wrinkly and she just looks really old. _Do I look like that too when I'm upset?_

"I'm fine, glad it's over now." I brush it off, "Where's Max?"

"Still at the studio, she was stuck on something." Sara shrugs.

"Has she eaten?" I ask. I know Max, she can easily forget to eat. I've know her for barely a month, and I've already seen her go without food for two days, before she noticed she was hungry.

"No, she said she'd come over once she's done."

"Well, I'm gonna bring her a sub. If she loses another pound her mother will kill me."

"Her mother?" Sara snorts. That's another thing about working with Max, her mother calls for regular updates. She's soooo obviously an only child, it's ridiculous.

I order two subs and start heading to the studio.

* * *

I'm about to open the door when I hear Max.

"If I play this with power, I can't go back to the quiet chorus…Maybe if I try this…"

I peek inside. The studio looks like a bomb went off in there. Max is sitting on the floor, with a guitar on her lap and papers strewn across the floor in front of her. She begins to play. I recognize the song instantly, Love They Say. I like it, but I don't think it's gonna make the record. Max quietly starts to sing along to the part of the song she's playing. _Holy crap! Max can SING!_

"Goddammit! It just doesn't work!" Max growls in frustration, throwing some papers away.

"Hey, calm down." I step inside. Wrong move. Max didn't hear me coming at all, and she screams in fear.

"Tegan! Don't creep up on me!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I apologize, "I brought you lunch, you must be hungry?"

"Yeah, but I'm just stuck on this song. I have to do this first." She motions to all the crap that surrounds her.

"Don't worry about it. That song probably won't make it on the album anyway. Eat!" I sit down on the couch, and motion for Max to come sit with me. She does, and I hand her her food.

"It's kinda my favorite song, I really like the lyrics." She shrugs.

"We can work on it together if you'd like?" I offer, "After you eat."

She laughs. "You sound like my mom."

"Where were you today?" She asks, "I brought you tea, but Sara said you weren't coming."

"I had to sign some papers…" I shrug.

"Anything important?"

"Yeah, I sold my house here… Well, the house I bought with Lindsey." It was hard, seeing her again. She was so very pregnant. And it hurts, so bad. But it can only get better from now on, right?

"Are you okay?" Max looks genuinely worried, and it touches me in a way that Sara's concern never does.

"Actually, I'm relieved… It's over now. I have nothing that ties me to her anymore, I never have to see her again. It still hurts, but I can finally move on."

"Good, I'm glad." She nods wistfully.

* * *

We work all afternoon on Love They Say, and we even take it home with us, continuing to work in my room.

"You know, I'm starting to really love this song!" I grin as I put my guitar down.

"For me, it's the best song on the album. But I'm done for tonight!" Max laughs as she puts her own guitar down

"Thank God!" I laugh. My fingers were really starting to cramp. "I think we deserve a drink tonight!"

"What'd you mean? Like a bar?" Max looks uncomfortable. I make a mental note that she's not a bar person.

"I was thinking a club? I just wanna have fun, and I don't wanna be alone tonight…" I admit.

"Oh right! Lindsey!"

"Yeah, Lindsey…"

"All right!" Max concedes, "Let's go out. I'm gonna change first though." It's obvious that she's going for me, but that just makes it even better I think. I don't see pity when she looks at me, I just see concern, and understanding.

"Yeah, I need a change too. I'll ask Sara and the guys if they wanna join?" I ask.

Max nods, and heads to her room.

* * *

Max and I stay out the longest. I can't remember the last I had this much fun. We danced all night. And I have to admit that Max looks handsome in her blue shirt, and the skinnies she's wearing are even tighter than normal.

I never really liked women like Max, not that I like Max. I mean, I've always been with more feminine women. But Max, I wouldn't describe her as butch, not at all, she's boyish… Like those One Direction guys, she has a boyish charm. But in true Max style, she doesn't even notice the girl that's been trying to buy her a drink for the past thirty minutes.

"Tegan!" She yells over the music. "Can we get out of here?"

"Sure! My feet are killing me!"

We finish our drinks and stumble to our place, giggling and joking all the way.

* * *

"Come in!" I pull her into my room.

"I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"Why not? It's not like we're gonna have sex!" We both laugh.

"Fine! I'll come in, but just for a second, 'kay?"

All of a sudden an amazing idea hits me!

"No! You're staying! We're gonna have a slumberparty!" I squeal.

"Noooooo." Max groans, but I know her weakness. I give her the best puppy eyes I can, and even throw in a pout.

"Don't look at me like that! God! Okay! I'll stay!" She concedes reluctantly, but she's grinning the whole time.

We both change into our pajamas, which for Max only consists out of boxershorts and a tank top. I can't help but look at her arms, those muscles get to me every time. Max catches me looking and throws me a wink, making me blush like a school girl.

Our slumberparty is a bust. We both fall asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillows.

* * *

**Max POV**

I wake up when I feel the sheets moving.

"Goodmorning sleepyhead!" Tegan grins, "I'm gonna go shower, so bathroom's occupied. You can stay here as long as you want."

I groan in response, and turn around. I hear the door fall shut, and then the sound of running water.

Just as I'm about to fall back asleep, someone bangs on the door. I hear Sara yelling, so I quickly get up and open the door.

"I'm sorry! She just barged… Max?" Sara looks at me in surprise. She's standing beside a pretty woman with red-ish hair. I immediately know who she is… Lindsey.

"Morning Sara, I'll explain later." I tell her. I know I must look… odd, coming out of Tegan's room in my boxers and a tank, my hair even messier than usual.

"What are you doing in Tegan's room?" Lindsey bites at me. It's obvious from her tone that she's out for blood.

"Judging from the way you look, you're probably her new toy." Her words are laced with venom.

I put on my best bitch façade, and go at her.

"Excuse me? For your information, _I _was invited by Tegan, but I somehow doubt that _YOU_ are welcome here." I make a point of slowly looking up and down her body.

"And judging by your red hair, your pregnancy and your bitchy attitude, you must be the lying, backstabbing, cheating whore." I give her my best fake smile. I can see Sara's smirk out of the corner of my eye.

Her face falls, and she makes a move to slap me, but I see it coming from miles away. I swiftly grab her wrist before she can come close to my face, and I hold it in a dead grip. I know I'm squeezing a bit too tight, but I can't help myself.

"This is assault! Let me go bitch!" She yells.

"Make me." I dare.

Lindsey looks like she's about to give up, but Tegan just has to choose that moment to walk back into the room.

"What's with all the yelling?... Oh God!" Her face goes white, and she takes a careful step closer to us. I still haven't let go off Lindsey.

"Tegan! Tell this… this caveman to go away!" Lindsey shrieks. _God, I hate the sound of her voice._

"That's my best friend, she can stay as long as she wants! You however have to leave!" Tegan shouts. _I'm her best friend? I never had a best friend before._

Tegan turns to me, and slightly pulls me away from Lindsey, so that I have to let go off her.

"Are you okay sweetie?" She looks concerned.

"Yeah fine. Not really how I'd hope to spent my morning…" I give her a grin.

"REALLY! You're sleeping with other people already?! I thought you loved ME!" Lindsey yells. _She's gone mental!_

Tegan looks incredulously, and I gently put my hand on her arm to calm her down.

"Well, I thought you loved me, but you came home with a fetus, an engagement ring and a U-haul! So you don't get to judge!" Lindsey takes a step back, Tegan is obviously angry.

"Now what do you want!" Tegan yells.

"I want the apartment in Vancouver." Lindsey states with a confidence she really shouldn't have.

"I bought that place before I even met you! You have no rights to it, my lawyer checked. Your name isn't on any of the documents!" Tegan screams back.

"Come on Tegan! This kid is going to need a place to grow up! Don't you care!"

"NO! I don't care about a kid that isn't mine! You get out now! I'm calling my lawyer and if you come near me again, I'm getting a restraining order!" Tegan screams so loud, that even Sara takes a step back.

Lindsey turns to leave, but then she looks at me.

"You don't stand a chance with her, you're just a fling. She'll get bored with you soon." She turns, but Tegan grabs her arm.

"Max is NOT a fling! She means more to me than you ever did! You were the fling! You were just a conquest, I NEVER loved you, I loved the chase and the challenge. Don't come near Max or my family again!" _Wow! Tegan really mauls into people when she's upset!_ Seconds later we hear the front door slam shut.

"Tegan, I'm so sorry!" Sara starts, but Tegan just shrugs.

"Not your fault Sassa, she's just gone crazy."


	7. Chapter 7

**Max POV**

I walk back into the house. I decided to go on a run after the Lindsey-thing, giving Tegan some space, and all that.

I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water when I bump into Tegan.

"Hey Max where were you?" she asks.

"I just went for a run." I uncap my bottle, "You know, LA is really fucking hot!"

"Yeah, why didn't you say something? I was getting worried…" she looks a bit upset with me.

"Sorry, I didn't think you'd notice… want me to make you breakfast to make it up to you?" I ask, knowing that food is Tegan's soft spot.

"Hell yeah!" She grins. _BINGO!_

"Pancakes or waffles?"

"Pancakes!"

Tegan hops on the counter, while I start working on the batter.

"So how far did you run?"

"I don't know, three miles, something like that." I shrug, I don't really keep track, I never thought it was important.

"Wow, that's kinda long? No?"

"Nah, normally I do, like, five or six miles."

"Show off!" she sticks her tongue out at me, and giggles.

"I'm just awesome." I tease.

"You wish!" Tegan counters.

"Oh, I thought I was your _Best Friend_?" I say, referring to her fight with Lindsey.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything…"

"It's fine… we all say things we don't mean when we're upset… Pancakes are done!"

I move to the table, and Tegan gets the maple syrup.

"I meant it. You are kinda my best friend."

"Why? I don't get it, I've never had a best friend. No one ever really wanted to be my friend, like ever…"

"Because… You listen to me, you don't pity me, you don't dwell on everything I say, you just let me be… I like you… You're a good person, Max."

"I'm not… I'm not a good person. I have a bad temper, and I have the social skills of a hyena…" _Why would anyone like me?_

"Being weird doesn't make you a bad person Max… And your temper is fine…"

"I have secrets." I argue.

"I know." She just shrugs. _Why can't she just get this?_

"Bad secrets." I insist, she needs to know that I'm no good.

"I figured that out." She puts her fork down, and turns to me.

"Max, I know you have troubles, but everyone does. Are yours worse? Maybe. I don't know, and I don't care. You let your past define you, and you really shouldn't. Because I don't know who you were ten years ago, but I know who you are today, and I like you for who you are today. You're awesome. A bit weird, but really awesome. Plus, you got the whole muscle-thing going on, so bonus points for that." She gives me a cheeky grin and turns back to her food.

I don't know what to say, no one has ever been this nice to me.

"Thanks… you're awesome too… And you're hot, so you have some bonus points as well."

* * *

**Max POV**

Before we knew it, the entire album was recorded and we were all back on the airport in Vancouver.

Significant others are waiting everywhere, and just like that, it's just me and Tegan, alone.

"I'm glad you're joining us for the tour…" Tegan says.

"Yeah, me too."

"No one here to pick you up?"

"No… I'm just gonna take a cab… What about you?"

"Cab."

"We could split one, we're practically neighbors." I suggest.

* * *

The cab stops in front of Tegan's building, but she's reluctant to get out.

"Maxie, I … Could you… Do you wanna come up?" She stumbles, and I know something's wrong. _And she wants me to fix it_. That still amazes me.

"Yeah, sure… Don't call me Maxie though." I pay the cabbie and get my suitcase from the trunk. _Thank god my guitars are being shipped to the rehearsal space. _

Her apartment is huge. It's a nice place, but it feels kinda empty, I can see the spots on the walls where there used to be artwork. _Lindsey probably took it. _

"So…" I drawl, not really knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry! I know it's crazy, after spending two months in a house with like six people, but I don't wanna be alone in this place… God, I need a new place to live…" She groans, burying her face in the couch.

"Why don't we go grocery shopping, and then I'll make dinner, and then we'll go out tonight?" I suggest, "We could go see a movie or something?"

Tegan lifts her head "You're amazing, you know that?"

"No I'm not, come on, we'll change clothes, and then we'll head out." I pull her to her feet.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

After the movie we end up back at my place, Max turns on a hockey game and plants her feet on the coffee table, she looks like she's lived here forever. I lay down on the couch putting my feet on her lap.

"Thanks for taking me out." I say, "You probably had something better to do…"

"No I didn't. Tee, if I didn't want to go out with you, I wouldn't have asked you, ey? You're not a pity-project, I actually like hanging out with you." she grins at me.

"Are you staying tonight?" I ask, I don't want her to leave yet, and it's already dark out.

"Uh, sure… But I do have to go pick up Pluto at my parents tomorrow though, you wanna come along?"

"Yeah, my mum is dropping off my cat in the morning, but after that we can head over to your parents."

"You know I'll probably won't sleep right? I don't wanna bother you…" She looks down.

"I don't mind Max, you can do whatever you want, you can play guitar in my studio, or you can watch TV, or come cuddle with me… whatever you want…" I shrug.

"You want me to cuddle? With you? Why?" She scrunches her eyebrows.

"Well, you seem to sleep better when someone's around…"

"I only sleep better when you're around…" She mumbles uneasily.

"Well then you better take advantage of that." I smile at her.

* * *

**Max POV**

I wake up, like actually wake up after sleeping an entire night! Tegan somehow shifted during the night, and she's laying with her head on my chest, her legs tangled up with mine. I'm not the best social expert, but I know this isn't what friends do, so I try to wriggle myself out of the embrace.

_Embrace… She's hugging me… And I don't mind. Well, I do mind, but I don't feel like I'm suffocating._ Tegan brings out something odd in me, something that I thought had died twenty years ago. My thoughts are interrupted by Tegan's stirring.

"G'morning" She yawns.

"Buongiorno, bella." I grin.

"You know, I do actually know what that means, sweetie." She laughs, as I blush.

"When is your mother coming?" I quickly change the subject.

"10. What time is it now?" I squint at the alarm clock but I can't read the time.

"Don't know, I left my glasses in the bathroom."

"God how blind are you?" She giggles, and she reaches over me to look at the clock, effectively laying on top of me. I take a deep breath to suppress the urge to freak out, and I close my eyes.

"You are adorable!" She teases, "Time to get up, mum will be here in half an hour."

* * *

I'm getting dressed in the bathroom, when Tegan knocks on the door.

"Are you decent?" She shouts through the door.

"Yeah!" I shout back, buttoning the top button on my shirt.

She walks in and starts rummaging through one of the cabinets.

"Uhm, how do I look?" I ask, I didn't have a lot of clean clothes left, so I had to wear dark red skinnies with a blue shirt.

"Are you nervous about meeting my mum?" she laughs at me.

"What?! Nooooooo…" I say, not at all convincing her.

She comes closer to unbutton the top button of my shirt, and I feel the familiar nausea I get when someone comes too close. I close my eyes and take a breath.

"Max? What's that?" Tegan sounds kinda freaked out. I open my eyes, to see she unbuttoned the top three buttons of my shirt, exposing my collarbone.

I take a step back and quickly do the buttons up again. _Don't freak out, don't freak out!_

"Was that a scar?" she asks.

"Yeah…" My hands feel kinda clammy, and I just really wish I could run away.

"Take your shirt off?" she asks.

"What? No!" I can't believe her! Why would I take my shirt off?

Her hands come up to my buttons again. "Please?" She whispers. I can only nod. _How can I ever say no to her?_

My shirt drops to the ground. Her gaze is fixed on the scar that runs from my collarbone, to just below my breast.

"How did you get this?" Her finger gently runs over the raised tissue, giving me goosebumps.

"Surgery."

"Does it still hurt?" She asks.

"Sometimes, when it's cold outside…" I admit.

She opens her mouth to say something, but she's interrupted by the buzzing sound of the doorbell.

**AN: so, i'm not too happy with how this worked out, but i promise that the next chapter will be posted soon**


	8. Chapter 8

**Tegan POV**

Mum doesn't stay too long, and soon I'm sitting in a rental car, while Max drives to Burnaby. I'm glad she didn't run after I saw her scar. With Max you just never know. The drive is filled with laughter, adn we sing along to the radio.

After twenty minutes he pulls up on a driveway.

"Ready?" She asks, and I nod.

She knocks twice on the door before entering. Angela comes out of the kitchen to greet us.

"Maxine! Tegan! How are you! How was LA? Did you lose weight? You look too skinny!" Angela bombards us both with questions.

"I'm fine mama. What are you cooking? It smells great."

"Just plain pasta bolognaise, your Nonna's recipe. Frankie asked for it."

"Oh, what's he doing here? Why isn't Maria looking after him?" Max asks.

"She's helping Giovanni with the wedding. Go say hi, he's in the living room."

Angela disappears in the kitchen.

"Who's Frankie?" I ask.

"He's my cousin's son. My cousin isn't a nice guy… Frankie spends a lot of time with his grandma, or here. He's a good kid though."

We find the little boy on the couch. He's a cute guy, probably four years old.

"Hi Francesco!" Max plops down next to him.

"Maxie!" He jumps on her lap.

"This is my friend Tegan." She points at me.

"Hi Tegan." He hides his face in Max's neck, shying away from me.

"Don't be shy, she's really nice." Max assures him.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

"Nothing." He shrugs.

"Are you bored?" the boy nods his head.

"Come on! I've got something for you." Max easily lifts him on her hip, and holds her hand out for me. I grab it, and Max leads us upstairs.

"This used to be my room." She opens the door. The room is painted in a dark grey color, band posters everywhere. An old guitar stands in the corner. The room's dark, and it feels sad. I imagine Max as a broody teenager, playing her guitar in this room.

Max pulls out some boxes.

"Do you know what's in here?" She asks Frankie. He shakes his head, eager to know.

Max lifts the lid.

"Comics!" He squeals, squatting down to riffle through the books. Max and I sit down on the bed and watch him.

"Can he read already?" I ask her.

"Yeah, he's a little genius, and there's pictures, so he'll be fine."

We watch silently, while Frankie starts reading.

"Maxie? Are you coming to uncle Gio's wedding?" Frankie asks.

"No, I'm not, I have to work."

"Uncle Gio says you don't like us because you're not family." _Not family?_

"Well, what does Nonna say about that?" Max gives him a scolding look.

"She says that if her heart is only half as big as her butt, then there is room enough for everybody, including you." Frankie recites giggling.

"And you should always listen to Nonna." Max concludes.

"Uncle Gio says that if I'm naughty, I'll end up sad and alone like you."

"Well, I'm not alone, I have Tegan."

"You don't _have_ me!" I say indignantly.

Max raises an eyebrow at me.

"Woman, I so do have you." She grins, and I have to laugh at her antics.

"No you don't!"

"Please, one look at my biceps, and you're putty in my hands." She winks, and I blush. That is kinda true. _Is she flirting with me?_

"Play a song for me Maxie?" Frankie points at the guitar.

"Eh, sure, just give me a second, it's probably out of tune." Max starts fiddling with the guitar.

"Okay, what song do you wanna hear?" She ask him.

"Phineas And Ferb!" He yells.

"Sorry, kid, but I don't know that one." Max apologizes, "How about we play one of Tegan's songs? She's a really famous singer." She gives me a wink.

"Like Lady Gaga?" He asks.

"Yeah exactly like Lady Gaga." Max laughs, and I glare at her, but I can't hide my grin.

"What song do you wanna play?" I ask her.

"I don't know? Do we have a child-proof song?"

"Eh sure… Let me think… Can you play Where Does The Good Go?" I suggest.

"That's about heartbreak! We need something happy!"

"Closer is a happy song." I counter.

"That's not a child-friendly song!" She laughs, "How about Love They Say?"

"Uh, yeah, that's a good one."

We play the song for Frankie. When we finish he claps really hard, and it's just the most adorable thing.

"Mommy says that you like to kiss girls." Frankie clambers on the bed to sit between us.

"Well, I do…" Max says.

"Do you like to kiss girls?" He asks me.

"Eh, yeah." It's a weird situation, because you never know what you can and can't tell someone else's kid.

"Why?" Frankie plants himself on my lap

"Because girls are pretty." I answer easily.

"Do you kiss Maxie?" He asks.

"No, I don't."

"Why?" He's clearly in the 'why'-fase.

"Because Max is my friend. You don't kiss your friends, do you?"

"Ew! No!" He scrunches his face up.

"But you both like kissing girls?" He clearly doesn't understand.

"But you have to be in love to kiss someone." I explain.

"Do you love Maxie?"

"Come on, that's enough questions! Let's go back downstairs." Max interupts, taking hold of my hand again.

Frankie bolts down the stairs.

"Careful Leroy! No running on the stair!" Max shouts after him.

"Silly Maxie! I'm Frankie!" The boy giggles.

"Huh? What did I say?" Max looks confused.

"You called him Leroy?" I tell her.

"Oh, God…" Max runs into a room, and seconds later I can hear her throwing up. _I so hope that's the bathroom._

"What happened?" Angela appears at the bottom of the stairs. "Is Max sick?"

"Yeah, I guess? She was fine a minute ago though…" I say.

"Why don't you two go watch TV and I'll check up on her?"

Angela ushers us to the living room, and Frankie turns on the TV, but I'm too worried about Max to pay him any attention.

* * *

**Angela POV**

Ten minutes later Max walks back in the room, she's still very pale.

Tegan stands up, giving her a worried look.

"I'm fine." Max brushes it off, as usual.

"No you're not. Come here." Tegan opens her arms to hug Max. _Oooh she's gonna get punched.._

But Max complies. I've never seen my daughter hug anyone, apart from me and her dad, but I know she only does that because she has to.

"Can we please go?" Max pleads. This isn't like Max. She never shows her weaknesses, and she never asks for anything, convinced that she doesn't deserve it. _What's going on between them?_

"Sure we can sweetie, I'll drive, okay?"

They say their goodbyes, and Tegan takes Pluto's stuff, while Max waits in the car.

"I'm sorry we can't stay longer, Angela." Tegan apologizes.

"It's fine, sweetie. You go take off her." I smile, and give her a hug.

They drive away, and I turn to Francesco.

"What happened upstairs?" I ask him.

"She called me Leroy again." He answers, before turning his attention back on the TV.

_Oh, Leroy._

**AN: It's a short one, again. But i hope you like it, and please live a review! Oh, and my grandma actually uses the phrase: if my heart is only half as big as my butt, then there's room for everybody. She's just awesome like that.  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Tegan POV**

I wake up in the middle off the night, alone. Max stayed over again last night, but she isn't laying next to me. I decide to go look for her, maybe she needs me.

I don't know what I'm doing with Max, I shouldn't let her sleep here, not only because she's my employee, but it's not really something friends do. And it's not just the sleeping, it's the winking, and the drooling over her muscles, and the 'sweetie', and everything, it's just wrong.

I find her in the living room, folding laundry.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my voice is still hoarse from sleeping.

"I couldn't sleep. I hope I didn't wake you?" She looks up guiltily.

"Laundry? Really? You left me alone to do laundry?"

"Well, it had to be done anyways… I didn't touch your, you know, delicates… just towels and stuff…" Her face flushes and she just looks sooooo adorable.

"Come on weirdo, back to bed." I pull her off the couch.

"I don't wanna…" She whines.

"Why not? Something wrong?"

"I had a bad dream…" she mumbles.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask, knowing she'll say no, but I always do ask. I'm a fool like that.

"Sweetie, it's 3 AM. Let's just go back to bed. You can wake me up if something goes wrong, okay?" I suggest.

"Fine…" She groans, but she follows me to the bedroom anyways.

We settle down, and she immediately opens her arms, so that I can snuggle up to her. Our bodies mould together, and it feels so great to be held in her arms. But in the back off my head, I know that this is wrong.

* * *

**Max POV**

Rehearsal is a bitch. Yeah, I said it, it sucks. It's hard, I have cramps from standing up, someone always interrupts us, my fingers hurt from strumming, and every time we fall into a rhythm _someone fucks up!_

It's been over a month since we got back from LA. It's been two months since Tegan said she wanted to be my best friend. But I'm not, am I? Ever since we got back, things changed. She sent me to my own apartment with some bullshit excuse, and she hasn't let me in since. She's always 'busy'.

I don't get it, I thought we were okay. I thought we were great. I thought she was great, for putting up with my sorry ass.

I sit down next to Ted. He's cool guy, and he knows his music.

"What's with the long face?" he asks me.

"Dunno, I just feel like being an ass today."

"So nothing new, ey?" He jokes, but I don't have it in me to laugh.

"Don't worry kid, once we're on the road, it'll be much more fun." He assures me.

"I hope so…" I sulk a bit more, until Sara ends our break.

* * *

**Sara POV**

"I wrote the fucking guitarpart, Tegan! I know how it sounds!" Max screams.

"What's THAT supposed to mean? That I don't know my own fucking song?!" Tegan yells back.

They have been fighting over Love They Say for the past ten minutes now. I don't know what's gotten into them, they were so close one day, and the next they weren't even talking. And now with the shouting. I decide to let them be, there is obviously something unresolved here, and they need to get it out before living together on a bus, and making _my_ life hell.

"Yeah! That's exactly what I mean! You forget your song, just like you forget your FRIENDS!" Max shouts.

"Oh! So THAT'S what this is about?! That I won't sleep with you anymore?!" _WOOOOOW, back up a second! They slept together?_

"I don't care about the sleeping! You won't even fucking TALK to me anymore!" _THEY SLEPT TOGETHER?_

"Since when do you TALK?!" Tegan screams, "You SULK, and you MUMBLE, but you never fucking TALK!" _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!_

"Fuck you Tegan!" Max yells.

"Oh, how very mature of you!" Tegan responds.

"Guys! I think that's enough." I try to intervene. I'm sure they are going to start fighting any second now.

"BACK OFF, Sara!" Tegan yells. I quickly take a step back, I've been on the receiving end of Tegan's fist before, and it's not something I wish to relive.

"Why don't you say what I did, to upset you this much?! Cause I've been wrecking my mind for a month, and I just can't fucking figure it out and it's driving me crazy!" Max shouts.

"I never said you did anything!" Tegan yells.

"Then why did you start to ignore me?!"

"I'm your BOSS! We can't do, whatever we were doing! It's not right!" Tegan screams back.

"We were just friends? I don't get it…" Max looks confused.

"Well, you don't get a lot of things, do you…" Finally the yelling ends.

"I thought I had you to explain the social stuff…" Max mumbles, shoving her hands in her pockets. _Poor kid._

"I'm sorry Max…" Tegan opens her arms, and Max rushes to her.

"I'm sorry too…"

The hug lasts a lot longer than what's appropriate, but I'm not going to say anything.

"Can we get back to work now?" I ask carefully.

**AN: so, three chapters in one day, i'm on a roll! But seriously though, i'm not very happy with how these last chapters went, but the next parts will cover the tour, and there are just way more awesome things to write about that. Greetings!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Tegan POV**

Soundcheck went great. Our first show is tonight, off course in Vancouver. There's a constant buzz of nervous excitement in the air, and I thrive on this energy. This is my turf.

I just talked to our manager, but now it's time to pick out my outfit for tonight. This will be fun, I can't wait to show our new style to our fans.

"TEGAN!" I hear Sara scream. So much for picking out my outfit. I head over to the dressing room.

"Tegan! Could you please tell Max that she can't 'Max-ify' our dress code?!" Sara looks exasperated. _Max-ify?_

I look Max over. Black skinnies, dark short-sleeved button-up, red vans and…

"Ooh! That's so cute!" I gush, Max is wearing a navy blue bowtie, with matching suspenders. She's adorable! Like putting a five year-old in a suit adorable.

"Tegan! Handle this!" Sara gestures at Max and stomps out.

"Sorry, about that, Sara is always a little snappy before a show." I explain. I'm not planning on making her change, she looks good. Besides, she's practically invisible on stage anyways, standing behind me.

"I just thought… I'd have to look my best…" Max looks down like a kicked puppy.

"You look great, sweetie. Just next time, darker shoes. That's it." I offer.

"Awesome! Thanks Tee!" She beams at me. Times like these remind me of how young she is, just 26, a kid really. One compliment and she's over the moon with joy. I wish I could be like that again.

"Just… Are you wearing an undershirt?" She nods, "Take it off before the set, it gets really hot on stage, with the lights and the gazillions of people breathing, and all…"

"Oh, okay… What are you wearing?" She asks.

"Haven't decided yet. You wanna come pick something out?"

* * *

**Max POV**

Backstage is crazy! There's a constant hum of activity, lights people, sound people, journalists, and so many others are running around, in what seems like an insane pattern, but is really a well-rehearsed choreography of chaos.

I quickly slip into the greenroom with the rest of the band.

"Hey Max! How are you holding up?" Ted asks.

"Great." I lie. I'm dying inside, I've never performed in front of so many people before. Those who can't do, teach. And that's what I did, for years. _God, even my parents are here!_

Two warm hands materialize on my shoulders, hands I've come to know over these past few crazy months. They kneed away my stress and insecurities, and I lean back, eager for more comfort.

"Relax, you'll be fine." Tegan whispers.

And I am fine. I take my place behind Tegan and I play flawlessly, and I wave politely when I'm introduced. And that's all there is to it. I feel like I'm floating.

Off course Tegan feels the need to point out that's it's my first time on stage, and the entire crowd 'oohs' and 'ahs' at me, making me blush.

After our set, the guys and I get sent backstage, so Sara and Tegan can play some older songs, acoustic.

I watch them from the side of the stage.

"It's beautiful, ey? Them." Ted nods his head towards the twins on stage, "Seeing them create music is amazing, sure, but this? Give them a guitar and they can go for hours. This is what they were born to do." He admires, like a proud brother.

"They are great." I agree.

"I always wonder if it's because there twins. But they just… There really aren't words to describe it." But I know what he means, they are separate persons, but they play like one, they think like one. It's beautiful.

"I've never seen Tegan like this, she's… glowing." I admit.

"She's like this when she's comfortable, no, when she's in her element. I see it when she's with you, too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I glare at him. I know some people have been questioning our friendship behind our backs.

"Nothing, I just mean that she's happy around you… You make her happy." Ted gives me one of his Ted-smiles, warm and comforting. I know why Tegan calls him her brother. "Just something you should think about, Max." He leaves me standing there, listening to Tegan as she croons out Nineteen.

_I make her happy?_

* * *

**Sara POV**

Five hours. We've been on the bus for FIVE hours. And Max has officially gone insane. She's laying on the floor, playing a fucking ukulele and singing The Lazy Song on repeat.

"Tegan, could you please go and fix that? Before I kill her?" I ask, Tegan chuckles and trots over to Max.

"What's up with you?" Tegan looks down at her.

"Today I don't feel like doing aaaanything!" Max belts out, again!

Tegan laughs, and sits down on top of Max, straddling her, but I try to ignore that.

"Could you please stop?" Tegan asks.

Max gives her a weird look, before changing the tune she's been playing for the past ten minutes, to a tune that I know very well. _Rihanna._

"Please don't stop the music!" Max starts singing, and Tegan just laughing along with her.

"Come on Max, for me?" Tegan tries again. But Max just happily continues to sing another song.

"I would catch a grenaaaaade for ya! Jump in front…" Tegan covers her mouth with her hand. _Finally!_

"Ew! Did you just _lick_ my hand!" Tegan looks at Max, wide eyed.

"Eh…" Max scrambles up and runs.

"You're so going down!" Tegan shouts, and runs after Max.

They chase each other around the bus, laughing and shouting.

"Get back here, you hobbit!" Tegan screams.

"Ey! You're barely half an inch taller than me!" Max yells back.

The chasing has stopped, for now, both of them on opposite sides of the table, having a standoff. I played this game with Tegan when we were kids, she can go for hours. Max is screwed.

"Yes I am, and don't you forget it!" Tegan smiles smugly.

"Fucker! Catch me if you can!" Max starts running again. Tegan leaps at her, sending them both crashing to the ground. They lay still for a second before bursting out in laughter.

"Don't ever call me hobbit again." Max says, still chuckling.

"Noted shorty!" Tegan laughs.

"Fuck you! They just needed less material to make me awesome!" Max replies, and they start to laugh again.

_Great! Now I have two lunatics laying on the floor!_

* * *

**AN: Exams are over! so maybe, i'll be able to update a little more often, who knows? :D I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please leave a review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: So, this is the reuploaded version. I was checking it, and there were sooooo many mistakes :/ I hope it's better now... Enjoy!  
**

**Tegan POV**

I can't sleep. My body's begging me to close my eyes, but my mind won't shut up. I feel lonely, surrounded by the soft snores of my band members. I feel like the darkness will swallow me whole any minute now. I hope it will.

Touring, being away from home, isn't the same with no one to come home to. Can I even consider it a home if there's nobody waiting?

Maybe it's the darkness that I'm drowning in, maybe it's self-pity. I don't care, I'm alone, no one's awake to judge me. The break-up with Lindsey was a mess, and it left me feeling betrayed and angry. Lindsey moved out, started a new life. I thought it could be easy, my anger keeping me from really missing Lindsey.

But now, I miss it. I miss someone to call to help me sleep. I don't miss Lindsey, I miss being in a relationship, someone to call mine, a warm body to hold at night.

I sigh, turning around on my other side, hoping I will fall asleep faster.

My thoughts drift to Max, who's sleeping in the bunk above mine. Sweet, adorable Max. Even after all these months, Max is still a mystery to me.

The girl has so many secrets, her eyes can hold so much pain. She hides it well, but I see right through her. Somehow we managed to become friends, and we make quite a pair. The love-addict and the love-cynic.

Max brings out my inner child, a happier, carefree version of myself. Max is special. She can make everyone laugh, except herself.

I never said anything, but I notice that she has barely slept since we got on the bus. She'd sit somewhere alone, watching a movie or reading all night long. And when she does sleep, she has nightmares, really intense ones. I would hear her mumbling, and tossing and turning.

Tonight isn't any different, Max is kicking in her sleep, softly crying. I'm used to it now, so I don't do anything, I just listen.

The crying gets worse, and I can hear Max moving violently in her bunk.

_Maybe I should wake her up? _

"LEE! NO!" the scream went through my bones, like a cold breeze, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I'm out of bed in no time, and I see that Max had woken everybody.

Sara and the boys all stand in the tiny passage of the bus.

"What the hell was that?" Sara pants, probably scared out of her mind. _Like me._

"Don't worry. Max had a bad dream. I'll take care of it. Go back to sleep." I try to look calm, but I'm not. I'm worried sick.

I wait for them to be out of my sight before turning to Max's bunk.

"Max?" I try, carefully, "Are you okay?" Stupid question, but what else am I going to say? She doesn't respond.

"Max? Sweetie?" I move the curtain of the bunk out of the way. I see Max curled up in a fetal position, her tiny body convulsing with silent cries.

"Oh honey! Scoot over!" But Max doesn't move.

"Come on." I push her a bit, until she makes room for me. I climb in, and awkwardly rub her back.

"Shhh, it's over now. It was just a bad dream." I try to comfort Max, but I really don't know how.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask. Max still doesn't respond, but she turns around, molding her body into mine, clinging to me like a desperate child. Her body still wrecking with sobs. _I have never seen her cry before._ It breaks my heart.

I hold her tight, stroking her hair. After what feels like days, Max cries herself to sleep, but I decide to stay with her. I whisper every comforting word I know, promising I'll keep her safe, promising she'd be all right. Eventually, I whisper myself to sleep, but I never let her go.

* * *

I wake up alone, Max already left the bed.

I stretch and get up, it's already half past 8. Time for breakfast. I don't even bother to change out of my PJ's.

Sara's nursing a cup of coffee in the tiny kitchen in front of the bus.

"G'morning." I croak, my voice hoarse from sleeping.

"Morning." She responds. We eat our breakfast, and I'm enjoying the silence between us.

"So, what's up with Max?" Sara asks me.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her yet." I take a bite from my sandwich, "Where is she?"

"Couch. She looked upset."

"Oh, I'll go talk to her in a second." I continue eating, but maybe just a little faster than I normally would.

* * *

I find Max on the couch, like Sara said. She does look upset.

She's wearing a black sweatshirt that's at least two sizes too large, making her tiny body seem even smaller. She's doing something on her laptop, the chords of her headphones disappear under the hood pulled over her head, her face barely visible.

"Goodmorning." I sit down next to her, but she doesn't look up. I can hear the music blaring through her headphones.

"Max?" I bump my shoulder into hers. She looks at me, her eyes are bloodshot, dark circles under them. She pulls her hood down, and hangs her headphones around her neck. Her movements are slow, lethargic almost.

"Goodmorning." I repeat. Max gives me a cold stare.

"What d'you want?"Her voice sounds as cold as her stare.

"I just want to say goodmorning."

"Well, you just said it, so what are you still doing here?" _Woah, that's rude._

"If you don't wanna talk about what happened last night, you can just tell me. You don't have to be so mean…" I stand up. _I need a hug… Where's Sara?_

"Tegan! Wait! I'm… I'm sorry… I just… I'm embarrassed, okay?" Max looks down, "I acted like a baby last night…"

"Max! Don't worry about it. Everyone gets upset sometimes, even over stupid things. It just happens." I run a hand through her shaggy hair, scratching that spot at the back of her neck. I found it one night at one of our sleepovers.

"Hmm, why are you so good to me?" Max sighs, closing her eyes.

"Because we're friends." _Just friends…_


	12. Chapter 12

**Max POV**

"So we have two days off in New York?" I ask them. Exciting!

"Yes!" Sara cheers, "I get to sleep in my own bed! Finally!"

"And I get to sleep in the guestroom! No hotel for me!" Tegan starts doing a really goofy happydance.

"About that," Sara turns her attention to me, "If you want, you can stay at my place too. I think you'll have more fun there than in a hotel with three guys. And I won't have to babysit Tegan."

"Ey!" Tegan squeaks indignantly, making us chuckle.

"I'd love that, thanks Sara." I smile.

"You'll have to share a bed with me though, but it's a big bed." Tegan says.

"No problem! I guess I can join your happydance." I laugh.

"And I'm letting them into my house…" Sara sighs, laughing at our antics.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Max has been sitting behind her laptop for an hour now, occasionally jotting down notes. Eventually my curiosity gets the best of me.

"What are you doing?" I sit down next to her on the couch.

"I'm looking for fun places to visit in New York, I've never been before, and I wanna see as much as I can." She says excitedly.

"You never been there?" I always forget that other people don't see as much of the world as me and Sara.

"No, but I guess you have been, ey? Visiting Sara and all that."

"Yeah, and we always play in New York on tour. You know, if you want someone to show you around…" I trail off.

"Nah, you have better things to do, I bet." She brushes it off.

"Well, normally Lindsey would fly over, but I doubt that's gonna happen." I chuckle bitterly.

"Sorry…"

"I don't mind. And now I get to spend my newfound New York freedom with you, of you want?" I offer again. I really want to spend my time with Max, and I don't wanna be stuck at the apartment with Sara and Stacey.

"That'd be awesome." Max smiles.

"I'll make a mental list with everything we should visit!" I jump of the couch, to go get my laptop, "So we have a date?"

"Uh…" Max looks a bit unsure.

"It's a figure of speech, chill." I laugh.

"I'll let it slide." Max chuckles, and winks.

* * *

**Max POV**

Tegan shows me everything. First stop is the roof of the Empire State building to see the New York skyline. I've never seen such a busy city. We go to Times Square and the city hall, which is really old, we stop at the 9/11 memorial, and we pass Lincoln Center.

"What's next?" I ask, I'm having so much fun.

"Metropolitan Museum of Arts." Tegan gives me a big grin.

"But, I thought you didn't wanna go there?" I'm confused. She bitched and moaned about how stupid museums are when I suggested it.

"Yeah, but you wanna go, so…" She shrugs. _She's doing something she hates for me._

"You're amazing, Tee…" I really can't believe how sweet and wonderful she is.

"Yeah yeah… Come on!" she grabs my hand, and pulls me in the direction of the museum.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

We finally reach the exit of the museum. _Thank god!_

"That was sooo cool!" Max continues to gush about all the artsy stuff we saw. I don't really hear what she's saying, I'm just listening to the sound of her voice.

"Tegan? Tegan!" Max bumps her shoulder into mine, to get my attention.

"Huh? What?" I shake myself out of my daze.

"I asked if we're going back to the apartment now?" She repeats.

"Oh, no! One more stop." I grin. I'm pretty sure she's going to love this.

"Where?" She eagerly asks.

"It's a surprise, come on, this way." I easily guide her in the right direction.

After a few minutes we reach our final destination.

"This is it! We're going for a stroll through Central Park!" I smile at her.

"Awesome!" She grabs my hand and pulls me through the gate.

We walk for half an hour, hand in hand. It's nice. _Oh who am I kidding? _It's romantic.

Max is so excited about everything she sees, and her excitement is infectious. We're laughing and smiling the whole time.

But soon, it's time to head back to the apartment. _Too soon._

We stop in front of the building where Sara lives. Max is still holding my hand.

"Thanks Tee, I had a great time today." Max smiles.

"Yeah, me too…" We stand awkwardly on the sidewalk. This feels almost like the end of a date, neither of us knowing what to do.

"Well… let's head up, ey?" Max says, moving to the door.

"Max wait!" I gently pull her back by her hand. I don't know what's come over me, when I lean down and gently kiss her cheek, lingering just a bit too long.

"Thanks for today." I whisper. Max blushes, and it's so cute.

I decide to save ourselves from the awkwardness.

"Come on Cutie, I'm hungry." I start dragging her inside by her hand.

I hear Max huff behind me, "I am NOT cute!"

* * *

**AN: Next update should be soon! Hope you enjoyed it, and please leave a review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Secrets are revealed! TUMTUMTUM :p Enjoy!**

* * *

**Sara POV**

We're all sitting at the breakfast bar in my apartment.

"Hey Tegan, do you wanna have lunch with me later?" I ask

"Yeah sure. Just us two?" She questions.

"Yeah, I wanna talk to my sister." I smile.

"Cool, I'd love to have lunch with my sister." She smiles back at me.

"Oooh! Aren't you two just the cutest!" Stacey gushes, making both of us blush.

* * *

We place our orders at the little diner I picked out.

"So…" I know what I wanna know, but now I just have to figure out how to broach the subject subtly, "What's going on with you?" I ask.

"Not much." Tegan chuckles, "What about you?"

"Well… not much…" I chuckle too, "What about… You know, your lovelife?" _Yeah, that's as subtle as a freight train!_

"There's nothing to say about that. You think I'm gonna pick up a woman on tour?" Tegan chuckles.

"Are you sure? 'Cuz I saw you getting cozy with Max last night?" I tease, after their sighstseeing, Max and Tegan had been practically glued together last night.

"Yeah, she's amazing…" Tegan sighs. I raise an eyebrow at her, "We're just friends!" Tegan says quickly. _Too quickly._

"You sure about that?" I question.

"Yeah…" she doesn't sound too convinced.

"Gimme your phone." I hold my hand out, "Just gimme!"

She reluctantly hands over the device, and I easily unlock it.

"Your wallpaper is a photo of you and Max!" I laugh. Tegan is so obvious, she always wears her heart on her sleeve.

"We're friends!" She defends.

"You like her! Don't deny it. I KNOW you!" I chuckle.

"Fine…" She buries her face in her hands, "I might have a little crush on her… But I'll get over it!"

"Does she know?" I ask. I feel like a teenager learning the newest gossip.

"Off course not!" Tegan looks like I've gone crazy.

"Are you gonna tell her?" I want to know.

"No! There's nothing worse than your boss coming on to you." She sighs

"I think she likes you too." I smile at my sister.

"You have to say that, you're my sister…"

* * *

**Max POV**

Sara and I went for a run in the afternoon. She keeps a good pace and she doesn't say much, I like it.

When we get back to her apartment, Tegan and Stacey are cooking us dinner.

"Hug!' Is all Tegan says, and Sara complies. They act different around each other on break, I can actually see that they are sisters, instead of business partners.

"I'm gonna take a shower. Max, you can use the second bathroom." Sara disappears in her room.

"I'm… uh… gonna…" Stacey points to room where Sara just went, before rushing after her.

I chuckle, and I hear Tegan mumble something like 'Gross'.

"You too!" Tegan opens her arms, "Hug."

"I stink." I warn her, but I give her a hug anyways.

"Eh, Max? Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just really happy to see me?" She takes a step back, and winks.

"Oh! NoNo! That's my inhaler!" I fumble to pull it out of my pocket, and I just _know_ I'm as red as a tomato.

"You have asthma?" Tegan furrows her eyebrows.

"No, you know I had surgery, remember?" I motion to my chest, and she nods, "So, sometimes my lungs decide to keep bullying me, and I need my inhaler."

"You had lung surgery?!" Her eyes go wide.

"Well yeah, what other surgery would leave a scar like that?" I thought she'd have figured that one out on her own.

"I know you won't say anything, but sometimes I really do wonder what the hell happened to you…" Tegan sighs.

I hate myself in this moment. Tegan has been nothing short of amazing to me, and here I am, desperately trying to hold on to my secrets. It's not fair to her.

_I am so gonna regret this…_

"Come on… I'll show you something."

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Max pulls me to the guest bathroom. Before I can ask what's going on, she pulls her shirt off. She's not wearing a bra. _Oh I'm fucked…_

"What are you doing?" I try my hardest to keep my eyes focused on her face, but it's not easy when the person that's been invading all my thoughts is standing half naked in front of me.

"Gimme your hand." She holds her hand out. I do as she says, but I have no idea what caused this impromptu striptease.

She softly takes the indexfinger of my hand, and runs it over her chest, next to that giant, five inch scar that I already knew.

"You feel that?" She asks. I nod, I do feel small bumps under my fingertip.

"More scars, but they've already faded…" She explains.

I stay silent, not knowing what to say or ask.

"Have you ever seen a hunting rifle?" Max asks me. I don't like where this is going. She doesn't wait for me to respond.

"It's not like a regular gun, it's designed to shoot animals, birds. So it doesn't shoot bullets, it fires a bunch of these little lead balls." Max takes a deep breath, "That's what happened… I stood on the wrong side of the rifle."

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

"I don't remember anything, the doctors kept me in a coma for months. My lungs were shredded to bits, they had to cut me open five times. I had a tube, like a vacuum cleaner, in my lungs 'cause otherwise I'd drown in… well, my own blood…"

My eyes are fixed on that stupid, stupid scar. I can't imagine what she went through. Who would do something like that to her?

My body takes control over itself, and I don't even realize I moved until my lips come in contact with the top of Max's scar. I can faintly hear her gasp above me, as I kiss the raised skin. My lips runs across the entire scar.

"Tegan… You shouldn't do this…" Her voice sounds strangled, and it's only now that I actually realize what I'm doing.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry…" I take step back from her.

"Don't be sorry…" she looks down, and I can see a faint blush on her cheeks, "It's just that… you're not just my friend, Tegan, you're my boss as well…"

"I'm not your boss right now… we're on a break…" I hear myself whisper.

"But tomorrow break's over, and then what?" she questions softly

"I… I don't know…" I admit.

"We can't… I'm sorry, I really am… But we can't." It hurts, I know I said it was just a small crush, but it doesn't feel like it right now. Now it just sucks.

"But you do want to?" I need to hear her say it, like it matters. It won't change anything.

"I… I need to shower…" she avoids my eyes, and it's all the answer I need.


	14. Chapter 14

**I have like five drafts of this chapter, and I'm still not sure about this one. Let me know what you think! Also, penguinhat, because fucking YOLO :D i feel five years younger when i say that ;) **

* * *

**Max POV**

We try to go back to normal after the moment we shared in New York. But it isn't easy. I never really fell in love with anyone, never had a crush, never had anything with anyone.

But now, every song we play on stage, is about us. Us, there never was an _us._ Yet I can 't help but feel like I lost something. When she sings Love They Say, I feel like she's talking to me, when she sings I Was A Fool, I… I feel guilty and I don't even want to think about Nineteen or Call It Off, or any song really.

I don't know what's happening to me. I built all of these walls, no one got through, and then Tegan comes along, and it's like my walls never existed. Like, like she knows me. I don't even know myself some days, but she does. She always knows.

I'm not in love with her, I can't be. I don't want to be. Love only ends in hurt. It's such a stupid thing. But Tegan believes in it, she loves love. She lives for it. I will never understand that.

And I will never understand why she would even remotely consider ME to be anything to her. But she did, and I wish I could take every excuse I made in the bathroom back. I wish I could tell her to never stop, that it doesn't matter that she's my boss, that we'll figure something out. But I can't.

I've been sulking on the couch for days now, only getting up when I have to go play a show. I'm not doing anything, I'm not saying anything. I can't even remember the last time I ate, or slept. Tegan won't let me into her bed anyways, so what's the point of sleeping when I can't sleep next to her.

_I'm not in love with her._

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Max has been a trainwreck since New York. Not eating, not sleeping, nothing. I don't get why she takes this so hard. She made it clear that she has no feelings for me whatsoever.

We try to talk like we did before, but it's forced, and awkward. I hate it. I know how this goes, eventually we will just give up talking to each other, and we'll avoid each other and become strangers.

Sara opens the curtain of my bunk, and I quickly wipe away my tears.

"How are you doing?" she asks softly, like I could break at any moment.

"I'm fine." My voice cracks, she won't ever believe me.

"Teetee…" She sighs. God, I hate her pity.

"Don't okay? I know what you want to say, but I don't want to hear it." I say resolutely.

"I'm not going to pity you, I'm just wondering why you're in here, hiding?"

"I'm not hiding…" I lie.

"Tegan, you chased a _straight _woman around for years… But when you finally fall for a gay girl, you're not even going to fight for her? What's wrong with you?" she chuckles lightly.

"Yeah, because chasing Lindsey was such a success?" I answer bitterly.

"Max isn't Lindsey." _No shit, Sherlock._

"Did you ever talk to her, instead of trying to jump her bones?" Sara teases.

"No…" I admit. I feel like an idiot.

"Wipe your eyes, blow your nose and talk to her." Sara pats my shoulder, leaving me alone.

* * *

I join Max on the couch, where she's been sitting for days, moping around.

"Hey…" I say softly.

"Hey…" Her voice is hoarse, from being so silent for days.

"I wanna talk to you…" I tell her.

"I wanna say something first…" She says.

"Okay, go ahead…" I didn't expect this. Max is more someone to run from her problems, than really acknowledge that there are any problems at all.

"I… I don't know how to say this, but here goes nothing…" she takes a deep breath, Remember when you first held my hand…" I nod, "that was kinda the first time anyone held my hand… You're the first person that I shared a bed with, the first person I cuddled with at night… when you gave me that kiss in New York, on my cheek? That was the first time for me… It was the closest I've ever come to a real kiss…" she looks down.

"I didn't know…" I sat quietly.

"I'm not done… I never… I never really had feelings for anyone, but now there's you. And I just don't know anything anymore. And I know you wanna know what's next with… us. But I don't know…" her voice cracks, "I don't know, and I just really want to talk to someone, but you're my only real friend, and I can't talk to you about it, and I just don't know anymore…" she's crying now and I'm quick to gather her in my arms.

"Shhh, it's okay. You can always talk to me, sweetie." I scratch that spot on the back of her neck, that always calms her down, "You can always come to me, even if you're not into me. I'll still be your friend, no matter what."

"I'm sorry…" She furiously wipes at her eyes.

"It's fine." I chuckle, "I've been crying none stop for days now."

"I mean I'm sorry for what happened in New York…"

"You didn't do anything, sweetie." I assure her.

"I stopped you, and I don't think I should have…" she whispers.

"No, we need to figure out what this is, before we go further."

"This sucks…" Max groans, burying her head in my neck.

"It does…" I agree, "I wish I could be your first everything…"

"Me too…" She presses a soft kiss on my neck, making me shudder.

"Maxie…" I warn softly.

"Don't call me Maxie…" She chuckles, and I can't help but chuckle with her.

It still hurts, but I know we'll be okay eventually.

"You look like you're gonna pass out any second now, sweetie." I nudge her with my shoulder, "Let's take a nap." I suggest.

I gently guide her toward my bunk. She quickly gets under the covers, and I take Mr. Rabbit from her bunk and give it to her.

"Tee… You're gonna nap with me, right?" she looks at me with her big brown eyes, Mr. Rabbit clutched to her chest.

"Off course I am."


	15. Chapter 15

**Tegan POV**

After that one day we never we really talked about our feelings again. And it is fine, really. I know she'll come to me when she's figured things out.

Besides, I have a lot to figure out too. I don't really know how much I feel for Max. Sure, there's that jittery, awkward feeling when I'm with her, and I know it means more than friendship. But I don't know if I'm actually in love with her, or if I just like her. _And then there's the whole 'boss' thing._

We're doing a photoshoot for a magazine today, so it's just me and Sara and a bunch of strangers.

I look down at my clothes, someone else had picked out our outfits, and I'm not really loving it. I got leggings and a leather jacket, which is fine. But they also put me in a long floral shirt, like so long I could wear it as a dress.

I decide to text Max while I'm waiting for the hairstylist.

**"They are making me wear something ridiculous! Xx"**

I get a quick reply: **"Picture? x"**

I stop someone to take a picture of me, and sent it to Max.

**"Gorgeous! As always ;) xx"** I can't help but blush from her compliment.

"Oh! Look at that smile!" A woman comes to me to fuss over my hair, "Must be someone special."

"Yeah, she is…"

* * *

**Tegan POV**

We are being mobbed by fans after our show that night. Sara and I start taking photo's, even give some autographs.

A man comes up to me, a young guy in his twenties.

"Tegan! I love you so much!" He yells excitedly.

"Oh thanks dude!" I smile at him, "You wanna take a picture?"

I take the photo with him, but when I wanna step back, he grabs my arm.

"It was nice meeting you, but you can't hog me all evening." I chuckle nervously.

"One hug? That's all." He says. The guy is seriously creeping me out. I wanna go to Sara but she's too busy to notice my predicament.

"Eh, we don't hug. It's a rule from the security guys." I explain, but the guy is not having it.

"You don't understand! I love you!" He practically shouts. _Woah, fuck, a crazy one!_

"Sorry dude, it's policy." I try to pull my arm back, but he tugs on it, hard. I'm pretty sure that he will leave a bruise.

"No! They'll make an exception for us!" He's starting to sound desperate.

"Hey!" Max heads towards us. _Thank God for Max!_ "She said no!"

"Fuck off!" He shouts, pushing Max. She pushes back and steps in front of me.

"Step away, dude." Max warns him.

"Fucking bitch!" The man punches her in the face, hard. Max staggers back, but she recovers fast and pounces on the guy, knocking them both down.

She has it under control, I know she has. Anyone who's watching will say that Max is giving as good as she gets, but all I see are the few hits the man manages to land.

Security is suddenly everywhere, and we get escorted back to the bus.

"Max! Your lip is bleeding!" It looks awful, there's even some blood on her t-shirt.

"It's fine. Nothing some ice can't fix." I follow her to the bathroom, where she drops her shirt on the ground. She has scrapes on her back from rolling around on the pavement.

"You've got roadrash. Hand me the disinfectant." Max doesn't even try to complain.

"What am I going to with you?" I sigh.

"I'm sorry…" Max mumbles.

"Next time just warn security." I put some of the disinfectant on a cotton, "This is going to sting a little."

I dab at the scrapes, but Max doesn't even flinch.

"Turn around, let me clean your face too." It's a nasty gash in her lip, and the side of her face is already swelling.

"Why did you do it?" I ask.

"He was going to hurt you." I know she meant well, but she can't just beat everyone up that comes too close to me.

"And now he's hurt you."

"It's fine." She shrugs, "I've been through worse."

My eyes drift to her chest, that scar.

"Did someone do that on purpose? Why? When?" I rattle, every horror scenario whirling through my head.

"Tegan!" Max snaps me out of it, "Don't okay? Don't go there. It's all in the past anyways."

"Are you ever going to tell me?" I ask.

"No I'm not." She answer simply. She doesn't have to think about it.

"You can trust me, you know that right?" I tell her.

"I don't trust anyone. It's not personal." She shrugs.

"Like hell it isn't." I answer, upset.

"Tee…" She takes my face in her hands, "No one has ever gotten as close to me as you have. I never hug anyone, apart from you. I don't feel like I'm suffocating when I'm around you. I like you. I've never liked anyone before." Ugh, she always knows how to say the right things to make me melt.

"What about Hailey? From the airport?" I ask.

"That's different…" She looks at her shoes, "I like her company, but that's it. I like having her around. But it's different with you. You're different."

"If your lip wasn't bleeding right now…" I trail of, making her blush.

"I'd let you…" she answers quietly.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: i think you're going to like this one, it's actually one of my favorite chapters :) Leave a review!**

**Sara POV**

I'm standing at the reception desk of our hotel here in Georgia.

"Excuse me miss, but under what name was the reservation?" The receptionist ask me, again.

"WarnerBrosRecords. I'm sorry but that's the third time I've told you, is there a problem?" I ask, getting irritated with her chipper attitude.

"Well, it seems like we have a bit of a mix-up. I have one room with three single beds, and one room with two doubles under your name." The woman gives me a kind smile, and I wanna strangle her.

"No, we ordered two rooms with each three singles. Can you change it?"

"I'm sorry, we're full. I can upgrade you to another hotel, but it's on the other side of town."

"We have to play a concert next door, that'd be ridiculous. We'll take the rooms you've got booked." I sigh.

* * *

I go back to the band to give everyone their keycards.

"Tee, Max, can I talk to you?" I hate being the responsible one.

"Well, the hotel made a mistake, instead of three singles, we got two doubles." I sigh, "So, I guess me and Tegan are bunking together for the night."

"Gross!" Tegan laughs.

"You know, I wouldn't mind sharing. I know you like your space Sara." Max pipes up.

"Yeah!" Tegan is quick to agree, "Me and Max could totally sleep together!"

_Well, that sounded wrong…_

"Are you sure?" I look at the two before me with a little apprehension.

"Uhu! It'll be cool!" Tegan looks excited.

"Yeah! We can build a pillowfort on our bed!" They high-five.

I can't help but laugh, as they rush of toward the elevators.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

We bound into the hotelroom.

"I take the right side!" Max yells.

"Your loss! Left is always better!" I reply.

"Come on! Let's build the fort!"

I run to the closet. Every hotel keeps extra blankets and pillows in there.

"Gotcha!" I run back with our 'supplies'. I feel completely giddy inside, I haven't been this excited in ages!

After some work we lay down in our fort.

"I haven't done this since I was kid." I admit to Max.

"Really?" She looks incredulous, "Well then miss Tegan, I shall tear you away from your boring adulthood, and guide you down the path of complete childishness!" Max exclaims in a silly voice.

"You are such a nerd!" I laugh.

Max gasps, feigning hurt. "Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!" I chuckle, "You are an absolute nerd!"

"Take that back!"

"Make me!" I challenge.

Before I can react a pillow hits me square in the face.

"Seriously?" I look at Max, who just hits me again.

"Oh bitch! It's on!" I tackle her on the bed and grab a pillow.

Our pillowfight progressed into a ticklefight. I find myself flat on my back, squealing and giggling, Max straddling me. I buck my hips, throwing Max off of me, switching our positions. I grab her wrist and pin them above her head.

"Gotcha!" I squeal triumphant, "Now you're my bitch!"

"Like hell I am! I can still make you do whatever I want!" she laughs.

"Oh yeah? How?" I counter.

"Simple." Max leans up and pecks my lips. Out of everything she could have done, she kisses me. _Oh God, that was our first kiss!_ Max uses my temporary daze to flip me over, and I find myself underneath her again.

"That's not fair!" I whine.

"Sure it is!" Max tickles my sides, "Who's the bitch now, ey?"

I squirm, struggling to get out of her hold.

"Come on! Say you're my bitch!" Max is unrelenting.

"OH MY GOD! What are you doing?!" Our head snap towards the door, where Sara's standing, horrified. I can imagine what she's thinking.

The room is a mess, our fort strewn over the entire floor. Max straddling me, still holding my sides.

"Uhm, we we're just… playing…" Max explains.

"Could you please get off of my SISTER?" Sara shouts, making Max jump off of me, hiding slightly behind me.

"I can't believe you were gonna have sex! I still have to sleep in here!" Sara rants.

"We really weren't doing anything, Sara!" I try, "It was just an innocent ticklefight."

"There is nothing innocent about ticklefights between adults!" Sara takes a deep breath, "Just clean this mess up. And ask me to book a private room next time you wanna…" She shudders, "I really don't wanna know about your sexlife, and I certainly don't want to see it." With that Sara left the room.

Max and I share a look, and burst out laughing.

"Did you see her face! That was hilarious!" I chuckle.

"We should have taped that!" Max laughs.

"Let's clean this mess up, and then find Sara to explain that she isn't scarred for life."

The blankets and pillows are put away quickly and we fall back down on the bed.

"You know," I say carefully, "you should do that more often."

Max turns on her side to look at me.

"Do what?" she questions.

I gather every bit of courage in me.

"Kiss me. You should kiss me more often." I admit.

"Should I?" Doubt and fear our obvious in her voice. I turn on my side, mirroring her position.

"I think you should…" I whisper.

"I don't know Tegan." I look down, feeling rejected, "I mean, I want to." Max continues, "I really want to, but I don't think it's a good idea…"

"It feels good though." I whisper, looking into her eyes.

"It really does…" We're both grinning now.

"I wanna kiss you now…" I admit, biting my bottom lip.

"I'll let you…" Max whispers.

We both lean in, but right before our lips can touch, someone bangs on the door.

"Are you decent?" Sara yells from the other side of the door.

"Just a second!" I shout back. I grab Max and crash our lips together. And it's everything I wanted it to be. Words can't describe the jittery feeling in my stomach, it's not just butterflies, it's an entire fucking zoo.

"Okay! I'm good!" I scream.

"You really are good…" Max has a goofy grin on her face, she looks a bit in a daze.

"What happened to her?" Sara looks at me skeptically.

Max turns to Sara with a goofy grin, "She's just really good."

* * *

**Sara POV**

I wake up precisely at 7 AM, as always. I get ready for my day, but when I go to leave the room for breakfast I notice something weird. I look at the bed across from mine, where Max and Tegan had slept together.

"How long have you been up?" I ask. Tegan looks up from watching Max, who's still sleeping in Tegan's arms, with her head on Tegan's shoulder and her arm and leg across Tegan's body.

"Dunno…" She whispers, "since 5 maybe?"

"Tegan…" I sigh. She's got it bad.

"I know… she's just so beautiful when she sleeps… I can't help it."

"I'm gonna go eat, you want anything?" I ask, deciding to let her be for now.

"Nah, I'll wait." She looks back down at Max.

I leave, letting Tegan have this moment of peace.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Twenty minutes after Sara left, Max starts stirring.

"Goodmorning sweetie." I smile at her.

"G'morning" Max croaks, placing a kiss on my neck.

I shudder at the feeling.

"Am I crushing you?" Max asks.

"No, that's just a sensitive spot…" _Crap! Why'd I say that?_

Max looks way more awake now.

"Oh? So if I do that again…" Max kisses my that spot again, and I shudder in response.

"Interesting…" Max whispers, and she gently starts to kiss the expanse of my neck.

"Max…" I'm going crazy here… I probably fell back asleep, and this is just a hot dream, right? A really _really _hot dream.

"Hmm?" I can feel her grinning as she kisses her way up to my ear.

"Something wrong?" she whispers, gently biting my crooked ear. I grip her waist tighter.

She starts kissing her way down to my neck again. This time gently licking the sensitive spot.

"Oh God!" I moan. My hand flies up to her hair, holding her in place. She's amazing!

"You're delicious." Max whispers into the skin under her mouth. She feverishly sucks, licks and nips at my neck, making me moan again and again. My skin feels like it's on fire.

Soon, I'm squirming underneath Max, heavily panting and holding her in a vice grip.

"You really need to stop now…" I groan, and I gently push her away.

"I don't wanna…" Max whines and I chuckle.

"Sorry, but I am in desperate need of a _very_ cold shower."

"Did I turn you on?" Max grins smugly.

"You have no idea…" I groan, before hopping out of bed and dashing to the bathroom.

* * *

**Max POV**

_Whoa! What was that!_ I fall back on the bed.

"MAX!" Tegan shrieks. Startled, I run into the bathroom without thinking. I'm met with the sight of Tegan halfnaked_. Boobies!_

"Wow…" I whisper, in awe of Tegan's body.

"Max!" I tear my gaze away from her boobs.

"Sorry..." I grin sheepishly. _I am so not sorry about that!_

"You gave me a hickey!" I look at her neck. The dark purple bruise stands in sharp contrast with Tegan's pale neck.

"Eh… whoops…"

* * *

Tegan stomps on the bus, and I'm trailing behind like a kicked puppy, carrying her luggage.

"Hey Tegan, what's with the scarf?" Ted asks.

"Ask Max!" Tegan snaps, stomping to her bunk.

"Tee! It was an accident!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Tegan POV**

Someone at the venue recommended a bar to us, apparently this should be the best place in town to celebrate Ted's birthday. But I knew we were in for a bust as soon as I saw the outside of the place.

The bar is dingy, dark and definitely old. We all cram into a booth, and order our drinks. Max sits next to me, and I can just feel her apprehension.

"Relax, this is supposed to be fun." I whisper in her ear, and she moves a little closer to me.

"I don't like bars… I hate drunk people…" she whispers back. _No shit, little miss Iced Tea._ I gently take her hand in mine, under the table, away from the prying eyes of our friends.

But Max just doesn't loosen up. To the point that I actually consider spiking her drink.

"Come on, we're gonna order some more drinks." I say, pushing her out the booth.

It is actually quite busy, and I have a hard time catching the bartenders attention. A couple of young men are standing next to us, making lewd remarks about every woman that passes.

"Hey, look at that girl!" One of the guys 'whispers', pointing at me, "Totes old, but that ass!"

I go to flip the kid off, but Max beats me to it.

"Fuck off dude." Max responds casually.

"Mind your own business, dwarf!" The boys laugh.

I see that glint in Max's eye, that hard, cold stare. Her shoulders square, and her jaw locks. She's ready for a fight.

"Max? Don't… Calm down." I gently rub her lower back, hoping to comfort her.

"They're fucking dykes man!" The man heckles, turning to me, "If you ever want a real dick…"

Next thing I know, he's pinned to the wall, feet dangling in the air.

"Not too bad for a dyke dwarf, ey?" Max growls, holding the guy up by his collar.

She draws her fist back, but I know I have to stop her. I step in between her and the asshat, effectively stopping her from punching his lights out.

"Don't do this sweetie." I rub my hand over the one that arm that's still holding the guy up.

"And you!" I turn to the guy, "You better keep your fucking mouth shut, 'cause we both know she'll beat you into a pulp before you can even try to scream for your mommy!" The guy looks like he's about to piss his pants, but anyone in that position would, I guess.

I wrap my arms around Max's waist, gently backing her away from the guy, so that she has no choice but let him go. I rest my forehead against hers, our noses touching.

"Baby, calm down." I whisper. "Come on sweetie, open your eyes." She does, and I can see all the pain and struggling in those big brown eyes. I know she didn't want to do this, attack him.

"I'm trying." She whispers, her voice cracks, she's nowhere near being okay

We stand there for god knows how long, whispering sweet nothings.

"You wanna get out of here?" I ask, still not parting from her.

"No, I'll be fine… Can I just… hold your hand?"

"Off course you can baby." I give her a gentle smile.

* * *

**Sara POV**

We saw everything, from the guy dangling in the air, to this very _very_ intimate moment between my sister and Max.

"I don't know what that is…" Jasper says, "But I want that… I so want that." He points at them.

Tegan's arms are wrapped around Max. She's holding her so carefully, like she could break if she squeezed too tight. Their foreheads resting together, breathing in the same air. Their lips almost grazing with every whisper.

Eventually, they break their hold, and head back to us. They barely sit down when the waitress comes over, planting a glass of iced tea in front of Max.

"This one's on me. I saw what you did there. Thanks, that guy has been harassing customers all night." The girl winks, and leaves a napkin on the table.

"Well… that's sweet…" Max comments, while Tegan reaches for the napkin.

"I think it's more than sweet. It seems like Anja wants you to call her." Tegan chuckles, dangling the napkin in front of Max.

"Who's Anja?" Max looks confused. I can see what Tegan likes about her, she's so adorably clueless.

"The waitress, sweetie. She wants to hook up with you." Tegan explains.

"Huh? OH! Oh!" Her eyes widen comically, "Excuse me for a second." Max stands up and heads over to the waitress.

I can't hear what they're saying, but the facial expression of the waitress is priceless.

Max sits back down with us.

"What did you tell her?" I ask.

"Nothing… Just that it's not very responsible to give your number to strangers." Max says seriously. We gawk at her for a second, before all bursting out in laughter.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

"Sweetie, we need to talk about what happened earlier…" We're snuggled up in my bunk.

"I'm sorry about that." Max sighs.

"You can't beat up someone just because he's being mean to you." I tell her.

She mumbles something incoherently.

"What?"

"I said, he wasn't being mean to _me_." she whispers. I get it now, she was defending me…

"You did that for me?" I'm surprised.

"Well, yeah… I don't care what people think about me… but I don't like it when people try to hurt you…" Max mumbles.

"You're my hero, sweetie," I place a soft kiss on her lips.


	18. Chapter 18

**Tegan POV**

We tried to spend every night together. Even though Max still has her sleepless nights, she can rest better when she's next to me.

She always wraps me in her arms, and after she's whispered goodnight, she'll lean down and give me a soft kiss. Just a split-second peck, but it always leaves me breathless.

_Max…_ she dominates all of my thoughts. All the time.

I look up from my laptop, to look at her. She's trying to teach Ted how to tie a bowtie. It's clear that she's getting frustrated at his inability to learn.

"Now, you push the end through the hole… No! The other hole!" Max sighs, shaking her head.

I grab my phone to take a picture of my friends. _Instagram! _

"You know what? Maybe you should buy one of those pre-tied ones, with the clips and shit." Max pats him on the back, giving up.

She comes over to me, and sits down.

"Whatcha doing?" she asks.

"Watching you." I respond easily.

"Oh? Did I do anything interesting?" she smirks.

"Always." I wink, making her blush, "Who taught you how to tie such a thing?" I straighten her bowtie.

"My grandpa. He said that if I insisted on dressing like a man, I should at least look like a decent man. Italians take their clothes very seriously." She smiles.

"Sounds like a cool guy."

"He was. He died five years ago." She smiles sadly.

"I'm sorry." I remember how I felt when my grandpa died.

"Nah, it's fine."

Max lays her head in my lap.

"Naptime?" I ask. She nods.

We'd agreed that if Max didn't sleep well, she could come and take a nap with me. It has earned us some strange looks on the bus, but it works for us. Max would sleep, and I could watch TV, or read a book.

"Sleeptight Maxie." I run my hand through her hair.

"Don't call me Maxie…"

* * *

**Max POV**

I'm reading in my bunk, when I hear footsteps bound toward me.

"Max!" Sara shouts, "Wanna play singstar?" She smiles.

"Uh, no thanks. I'm just gonna read tonight." I decline.

"Ow! Please?" Tegan whines, "Everyone is playing! Come on!"

"Nope." I shake my head, "I'm not competing with two professional singers."

"It's just a game, Max. And besides, we all know you can sing." Sara counters.

"Please Maxie?" Tegan gives me the puppy eyes, knowing I can't say no.

"Fine! But don't call me Maxie." I groan.

* * *

I plop down on the couch next to Tegan. The computer divides us into two teams, Sara, Adam and I in one team, and Tegan, Jasper and Ted in the other.

After an hour, the scores are neck to neck. The last song is Bruno Mars's Just The Way You Are, the most cheesy lovesong ever made, and off course the computer chooses me and Tegan to perform a duet.

I have to go first. I take a deep breath and sing.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

_"Oh her eyes, her eyes  
make the stars look like they're not shining  
her hair, her hair  
falls perfectly without her trying  
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day"_

I watch as Max sings, her eyes are closed. She looks so beautiful.

I almost forget that I have to go next.

_"Yeah I know, I know  
When I compliment her, she won't believe me  
and it's so, it's so  
sad to think that she don't see what I see  
But every time she asks me do I look okay  
I say"_

**Max POV**

I'm studying Tegan's face while she's singing, something I never get to do standing behind her on stage. Our eyes lock before singing the chorus together.

_"when I see your face  
there's not a thing that I would change  
cause you're amazing just the way you are  
and when you smile, the whole world stops  
and stares for a while, cause girl you're amazing  
just the way you are"_

We finish the song and Tegan's team wins with only 100 points more. Their victory is celebrated with some beers, and an Iced Tea for me.

**Tegan POV**

After one drink, Max excuses herself from the group and head back to her bunk. I follow her to the privacy of the bunk area. I see that Max is already laying down in my bunk. _Subtle._

"You sang beautifully." I say, changing into my PJ's.

"Thanks," Max answers with her eyes closed, ears burning red, because she knows I'm standing practically naked next to her, "So did you, but you knew that already, it's your job, so I'm gonna shut up now…" I giggle, it's so easy to embarrass her, and settle down next to her. Our bodies molding together into a familiar embrace

"Do you like Bruno Mars?" I ask. Max had seemed to know the lyrics by heart.

"Not really. Too commercial, too poppy. Like, you can feel that the only intent of the song is to sell. There's no depth in his music. But it's catchy."She says.

"So you didn't like the song we sang?" I ask, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Nope." She pops the 'p'.

"But it's a lovesong…" I point out, hoping she'll get what I'm saying.

"So? Hannah Montana sings lovesongs, do you like those?" she raises an eyebrow, silently challenging me to disagree with her.

"Good point." I agree.

"Look, I don't mean to say that lovesongs in general suck." She turns to me, "There are a lot that I do like."

"Which?" I want to know.

"A lot." She shrugs.

"Okay…" I decide to take my chances, "What song makes you think of me?"

Max shakes her, "That's dangerous territory, Tee…"

"Please?" I bite my lower lip, playing with my labret piercing, knowing that that's her ultimate weakness.

She chuckles, "Iris, by Goo Goo Dolls." She doesn't even have to think about it.

"Is that even a lovesong?" I wonder.

"I don't know. But it sounds like us…" Max shrugs.

"Will you sing it for me?" I ask.

And Max softly sings the entire song for me.

"Do you have a song for us?" she asks.

"Yeah, Groovy Kind Of Love, Phil Collins."

Max looks up from her position on my chest.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" she asks.

"Sure."

"You have to be objective though, okay?" I nod.

"Do you… Do you think that… We could fall in love?" she asks softly, looking down.

"It isn't right now, I don't know what this is… But it's not love. But I know we will get there when we're both ready. We'll fall in love, and we'll get married and have kids and live happily ever after." I tell her with more confidence than I actually have.

"You're probably right." Max nods, and she snuggles back up to me, "Sing to me?"

I sing Groovy Kind Of Love. At the end of the song, Max is fast asleep in my arms.

I gently kiss her forehead, and whisper: "Sweet dreams, baby."


	19. Chapter 19

**Max POV**

It's a sunny day in God knows where we are, Virginia I think, so we decided to take a trip to some local park. I'm laying in the grass enjoying the sunshine with Tegan's head resting on my stomach. I can hear Sara and the guys screaming and shouting while playing with a Frisbee.

"Tell me something I don't know?" Tegan asks.

"Well, did you know that a cat has 32 muscles in one ear?"

Tegan chuckles, "I meant about you, goof!"

"Oh, well let's think…" I'm not really used to sharing things about myself, but Tegan always makes me want to try. "I'm a huge Canucks fan."

"I knew that already. Something else." She orders.

"Uh… I can play the piano. It was actually the first instrument I ever learned to play. " I try, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that.

"Really? I didn't know that." She gives me her trademark gummy grin.

"What were you like when you were a teenager?" She asks.

"I don't know. I was a difficult kid. Very angry. Very unhappy. I didn't have any friends, but I didn't want any so that didn't matter too much to me. But now, I think I was very lonely." I sigh, remembering how hard it was back then.

"Being a teenager sucks." Tegan agrees, "Tell me something else?"

I groan, "I don't know Tee, what do you wanna know?"

She moves from her position on my stomach to lay her head on my shoulder.

"When's your birthday?" she asks.

"Uhm…" I have to think about it for a sec, "May 21st."

"But, that was last month! Why didn't you say something? I could have bought you a present." Tegan says.

"That's exactly why I didn't say anything." I smile, " I don't like presents, and celebration and stuff."

"Okay Ebenezer Scrooge." Tegan rolls her eyes, "So, how old are you now?"

"I'm 27."

"Ugh, you're like 6 years younger than me…" she groans.

I laugh, "Next question?"

"Okay, boobs or butts?" she asks grinning.

"What about them?" I'm confused.

"Which do you like best?" she smirks at me.

"Uh… I don't know…" I stammer, my face flushing.

Tegan laughs, "You're so easy to embarrass!"

"Shut up!" I mumble, still red.

"It's not a difficult question, sweetie…" she practically purrs in my ear, making my brain melt, "What do you like most, my boobs or my ass?" _Ohmygod! She did not just ask that!_

"Uh… I-I… Uh… God… Boobs… No… Nono… Butt… No… I don't know…" I stutter, making Tegan laugh hard.

"You're adorable." She leans up, and pecks my cheek, making me blush even harder.

"Well, I like you for your personality, not your body… that's got to earn me some points?" I try to defend my awkwardness.

"Off course it does, sweetie." Tegan coos, "But compliments about how I look are always appreciated, I'm still a woman." She winks.

"I like how soft you are." I whisper, slipping my thumb under the hem of her shirt, gently rubbing the bare skin. _So soft._

"Hmm, that feels good…" Tegan snuggles deeper into my side.

"Yeah? I can… Can I do this? I mean, is it okay if I do this?" We still haven't defined whatever it is that's going on. It's my fault mostly, I'm not really big with words. But Tegan has been so patient and perfect.

"It's okay Max." Tegan smiles gently, "You can do whatever you want."

We lay like that for what feels like eternity. My calloused thumb stroking that perfect inch of skin. But the blaring of her phone breaks our moment. She checks the caller ID.

"Sorry sweetie, I have to take this." She looks around before leaning down and pecking my lips. It only lasts for a split-second, but it's amazing. She's amazing

She darts of to take the call, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

"I saw that…" Sara appears out of nowhere, and plops down next to me.

"Uh… Saw what?" I try to act innocent. _Shit, she just saw Tegan kiss me. _I got all the panicky feelings going on right now.

"Don't act like you don't know." She grins smugly, "Anyways, I just wanted to say that Stacey is coming over today, so you two will have the hotelroom to yourselves tonight to do whatever it is you two do…" she winks.

"We don't do anything!" I protest.

But Sara just laughs, "Suuuuuure… Anyways, I'm going to the airport now, see ya later!"

_Oh God, I have to spent the night alone with Tegan_.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

I dive onto the bed, but when I turn on my back Max is awkwardly standing in between the two beds in our room, not sure what to do.

"Get your sexy ass over here, doofus." I chuckle.

Max cautiously comes to the bed, and sits down, fidgeting with her hands. God, she's so adorably awkward.

I gently push her down on her back, straddling her. Max squeezes her eyes shut, and her breathing gets shallow, she's afraid of me.

"God," I chuckle bitterly, rolling off of her to lay beside her, "You really don't trust me, do you?"

"No, Tegan it's not like that!" she's quick to respond, "I just… I never… and I have no idea how…"

"Sweetie, I know that! And it's fine if you're not ready, that's not even on my mind… yet" I smirk, "But it's not all just about sex… I just want you close…"

"I'm sorry… I'm such a loser…" she sighs.

"Yeah, but you're a hot loser." I smirk, "Come here." I pull her down on top of me, wrapping my arms around her neck.

"This is close…" she squeaks. I chuckle at her nervousness.

"Relax sweetie, we won't do anything you don't want…" I run my hand through her hair.

"I… I wanna kiss you…" she whispers. Her confession makes my heart beat faster.

"Then kiss me…" I whisper back.

We both lean in slowly, our lips gently graze, like the pecks we've shared multiple times. But I'm done pecking, I pull her into me, our lips moving against each other, and god it's sooooo good.

**Max POV**

I'm making out with Tegan. Like actually completely making out. She tastes like… like rainbows, and unicorns and magic. This is magic.

Our tongues glide over each other, and it's nothing like I'd imagined it to be. It's better in every way.

Her hands are gripping my back, constantly pulling me closer.

"Babe," Tegan pulls aways, "we need to stop…" she pants, and it is the hottest thing in the world, ever.

I grumble, but I roll off of her anyways.

"God, I'm so turned on right now." She chuckles, and I blush.

"Then why did you pull away?" I wonder.

"Because, we're not ready, and besides your first time should be special." She smiles, stroking my cheek.

"But seriously," she groans, "Please find a way to distract me."

"Movie?" I suggest.

"Great, you pick, I'll go change into my PJ's." she disappears into the bathroom, but not before giving me a toe-curling kiss.

**Tegan POV**

"What about Frozen?" Max shouts.

"Sounds good baby!" I yell back, pulling my boxers up. _Baby? Where'd that come from?_

I wander back toward the bed.

"Are those my boxershorts?" Maw asks. _Busted!_

"Uhm… maaaaybe?"

"When did you take those?" she wonders.

"Dunno, when we were recording, I guess." I shrug.

"You look really hot in my clothes." She winks at me.

"Really?" I smirk, placing myself in her lap, "I bet I'm even hotter without any clothes at all." I whisper in her ear, making Max moan.

"If you hadn't stopped us, we'd be having sex right now." She groans.

"Baby, if I hadn't stopped…" I nip at her ear, "… I would have made you come in my mouth by now… several times." I husk.

"God! Teeeeeegan!" she whines, "Just watch the movie… and stop touching me, before my brain melts completely…"


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: I brougth Frankie back! Cause in my head he's just too cute! Enjoy!**

**Sara POV**

We're back in Vancouver. Time for the last show of our northern America tour. Europe is still two whole months away.

The show goes great, and it's over before I know it.

Tegan almost rushes of stage, running to Max and jumping into her arms. Max easily catches her and they are both grinning like maniacs. _What the fuck is going on here?_

"Ready to go home?" Max asks, still holding Tegan up.

"Yeah, let's get out of here…" Tegan smiles.

"Hey, aren't you forgetting something?" I ask.

"What?" Tegan asks, still in Max's arms. This is getting ridiculous.

"Me and Stacey are staying with you tonight?" I remind her.

"Oh right, I completely forgot."

The four of us pile into a van, Tegan and Max immediately snuggle up to each other.

"What's going on there?" Stacey whispers.

"I have no clue… they weren't like this yesterday." I don't get it, I mean, everybody knows something is going on, but they've been pretty good at hiding it, until now.

"Maybe it's because you're on a break." Stacey says.

"What do you mean?"

"Tegan isn't her boss now, right? Not for the next two months…" _Oooh!_

* * *

"I can't find my key…" Tegan starts searching in her bag. We're at her front door, freezing our asses off and she can't find her fucking key.

"No wait, I still have it!" Max pulls it out of her backpocket, "I went to the supermarket this morning, remember?"

She hands the key to Tegan, and is rewarded with a soft kiss.

"Okay, anyone want something to drink or eat?" Tegan offers.

"Honey, they're adults, they can help themselves." Max groans, "Let's just go to bed."

"But…" Tegan starts, but Max just hoists her onto her shoulder.

"Max!" Tegan squeals, "Put me down! Put me down!"

"Goodnight guys!" She yells, before disappearing in Tegan's bedroom.

_What the hell?_

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Sara left the day after for Montreal.

We just did the dishes, and I pass Max her Iced Tea. She heads to the livingroom, and I pour myself a glass of wine, when my phone starts ringing.

"Hi! This is Tegan." I answer.

"Hi Tegan! This is Angela, Maxine isn't picking up her phone. Is she with you?" Max's mom asks.

"Yeah, hold on a sec." I move to the livingroom.

"Max, it's your mom." I hand her my phone.

She sighs dramatically before picking up.

"Hey mama… I'm not avoiding you, I just don't have my phone with me…" She rolls her eyes, making faces at me. I chuckle.

"Can't anyone else take him?... What about his parents?... Let me just talk to Tegan…" She holds the phone away from her, and looks at me.

"Frankie doesn't have school tomorrow, but no one can watch him… Can we take him, it's just for the day…" She asks.

"Yeah, sure. It'll be fun." I nod. Frankie is a good kid, a bit quiet, but really sweet. _Like Max_.

"Okay, mama, we'll watch him tomorrow… What?... Mama… Fine, I'll ask…" She groans.

"Can mama bring him over tonight?" I nod.

"It's fine, bring him over… No, I'll text you the address... Okay, see ya soon." She hangs up, and gives me my phone back.

"I'm sorry…" Max groans, letting her head fall back in the cushions.

"It's fine sweetie." I pat her knee, settling my head on her shoulder.

* * *

**Max POV**

Forty minutes later mama knocks on the door. Just when Tegan and I found a good snuggle position.

"Your mom, you open the door." Tegan groans.

"It's your house…" I whine, getting up to open the door.

"Hi cara!" Mama walks in, while Frankie, dressed as Spiderman, squeezes past me, rushing to Tegan.

"Teeeeegan!" He squeals, catapulting himself on the couch.

"Well, hi Frankie…" I mutter sarcastically.

Tegan picks him up, and comes over to say hi to my mom.

"This is such a nice home!" Mama says, "Why can't you take care of your place like this?" she scolds me.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Frankie is asking me a thousand questions, while Max and her mom argue about the state of Max's apartment. Some people would hate the noise, but I love it, it almost feels like Max and I have a family. It's ridiculous, I know.

"I'm not going to renew my lease anyways mama, so it doesn't matter." Max sighs.

"Why not?" I ask. She never told me about that.

"Cause it's up in two months, and I'm not going to pay for an apartment when I know I'm away on tour for another year." She shrugs, "When we get back I'll start searching for a new place."

"Or you can move in with Tegan." Angela shrugs casually.

Max's eyes widen, and her ears turning red, and I would laugh in her face, if the question didn't make my stomach turn.

"Ma! We're not together!" Max squeaks.

"Really? Still nothing?" Angela looks between us, we both shake our heads, "I raised an idiot." She sighs.

"Well, I'm gonna go now," She gives us both a kiss on the cheek, and hands us Frankie's overnight bag, "Frankie already had his bath, and he should be in bed in half an hour. Good luck, sweethearts!"

Max closes the door behind her.

"Well, that was sufficiently awkward." She sighs.

"Hey Frankie, what do you want to do tomorrow?" I ask, changing the subject.

"ZOOOOOOO!" He squeals. I look at Max, silently asking if that's okay.

"Yeah, we'll go to the zoo." She nods, "You wanna go check out your room?"

She and Frankie take of running toward my guestroom. Leaving me alone with my thoughts. _I need another glass of wine._

* * *

**Max POV**

It took us an hour to get Frankie in bed, he kept insisting that Spiderman doesn't need to sleep.

I change into my PJ's, and settle in bed next to Tegan, who's reading.

"God, that was exhausting…" I sigh.

"Hmmm…" Tegan responds, not really paying attention.

"Whatcha reading?" I ask.

"Love in time of cholera." She answers.

"You know, you look really cute with those glasses…" I try to get her attention.

"You're being too sweet, what do you want?" She smirks.

"Cuddles." She rolls her eyes at me, putting her book on her nightstand.

"Come here, you goof." She opens her arms, and I immediately snuggle into her side.

"Goodnight sweetie." She whispers, softly pecking my lips. The action still manages to make my ears burn, and my stomach to do somersaults.

"G'night Tee."

* * *

**Tegan POV**

I wake up from the sound of the door opening. I freak for a second, before I remember that there's a five-year-old in my house. I flip the light on my nightstand on, making Max groan. My alarmclock tells me that it's two in the morning.

Frankie stands at the foot of my bed, holding his stuffed bear.

"Come here baby." I croak, patting the bed. He clambers on, and wriggles himself in between Max and me.

"What's wrong?" I ask him as gently as I can.

"I had a bad dream." He sniffles, and tries to get under the covers, effectively kicking Max in the back and waking her up.

"Ugh…" She stretches, " What's going on?" Her voice is hoarse from sleeping.

"Bad dream." I tell her, pointing at Frankie. "You wanna sleep with us baby?" I ask him. He nods his head feverishly.

He snuggles into my side, almost lying completely on top of me. He's back asleep within minutes.

"You would make a great mom…" Max muses, making me blush.

"I'm serious… I never really wanted kids, but when I see how you are with him…" She trails off.

"Are you saying you wanna have kids with me?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying…" she nods, "I'm sorry, I don't know where all of this is coming from…" she blushes.

"Come on, let's go back to sleep, you can embarrass yourself some more tomorrow." I chuckle.

"Jeez, thanks honey." Max teases, placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

She settles back down, protectively reaching her arm over Frankie and resting it on my stomach.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

It's a beautiful day, and Frankie is having so much fun. He rushes from cage to cage, pointing at all the animal, and asking so many questions. Max and I stroll behind, every once in awhile reminding him not to run to far ahead.

"This is nice…" Max sighs, intertwining our fingers.

"It is." I smile, but I can't help but want more. We cuddle like we're together, we kiss like we're together, but she just can't tell me that she's committed to me.

Frankie runs back to us.

"I'm hungry…" He whines. I check my watch, it's almost noon.

"Let's go have lunch." I say, and Max hoists Frankie up on her shoulders, quickly reattaching our hands.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

I wipe Frankie's mouth, his icecream is everywhere.

"Do I have to go home tonight?" Frankie sighs.

"Yeah, you have to go back to mommy and daddy." I say.

"I don't wanna…" He pouts.

"Why not?" I ask.

"Mommy and daddy always fight…"

"Look Frankie, I know it's bad right now, but it'll get better in awhile." Max gently rubs his back.

"No it won't…" he sighs, "They don't love me anymore…"

"Frankie, they'll always love you." Max says, pulling the boy on her lap, "Mommy and daddy just have some problems, but that has nothing to do with you."

"Mommy says she doesn't love daddy anymore." He cries.

"Sometimes people fall out of love, and then they get really unhappy, and angry with each other." Max explains, "But they don't fight because of you, Frankie, they fight because they're unhappy."

"You're not unhappy anymore…" He looks at Max.

"No, I'm not unhappy… I still have my sad days, but I'm not unhappy." Max smiles at him.

"Can you help them to be happy again?" He asks.

"I wish I could…" She sighs, "Being unhappy is like… scraping your knee… it hurts a lot, and you can only wait for it to heal, you can't do anything to make it go faster, or disappear. And sometimes, when you fall really hard, it leaves a scar. It doesn't hurt anymore, but you will always have that reminder that you fell."

Frankie scrunches up his face, "I don't get it…"

"I can't help them, Frankie…" Max tells him sadly.

"But Tegan makes you happy…" Max nods, "So can't Tegan come home with me? She can make mommy and daddy happy too?" His innocence is heartbreaking.

"It doesn't work like that, sweetie." I say, "But you know, my mommy and daddy got divorced when I was your age."

"I don't want them to divorce…" He cries softly.

"I didn't want that either, but now they are really happy, and they never stopped loving my sister and me." I tell him.

"Really?"

"Really." I smile at him.

"Why can't you and Max be my mommies?" He asks, and we both have to chuckle.

"Because you already have parents." Max answers.

"Helena in my class has two daddies. The other kids sometimes tease her because she doesn't come from a belly like us, but Miss Jane says that Helena comes from her daddies' hearts and that's just as good." He tells us, the impending divorce already forgotten.

"That's true, you can't tease her about that." I tell him.

"Are you gonna have heart-babies with Max?" He asks me.

"Uh… I don't know… Maybe…" I look at Max, who has a silly smile on her face.

"Cause then I can play with someone at parties." He goes on.

"Well, that does sound pretty cool, buddy." Max ruffles his hair, "Are you ready to go check out the rest of the animals?"

"Yeah!" He cheers, shooting out of his seat.

"So, Miss Quin," Max smirks, "You wanna have heart-babies with me?" She teases.

"Sure…" I tease, "Why don't we start trying for one tonight?" I wink, rushing after Frankie, leaving Max flustered.


	21. Chapter 21

**Max POV**

I've already started dinner, Tegan should be back home soon. She went to the studio to work with someone on something, I didn't really pay attention.

I hear the frontdoor open.

"I'm in the kitchen!" I shout, "Come taste this, baby!"

But it's not Tegan who walks, it's a slightly older woman, she looks vaguely familiar.

"Oh, hi Max, right?… Are you alone?" She asks.

"Uhm, yeah… Who are you?" I ask.

"I'm Sonja, we met once before?" she reminds me.

"Oh right! I'm sorry." I feel silly for not recognizing Tegan's mom.

"It's fine… Where's Tegan?"

"Working, but she should be back soon." I turn my attention back to my marinara sauce, "I didn't know you were coming?"

"I had some questions about Europe. Didn't Tegan tell you?" She questions.

"Right, you're coming along with us." I remember.

"Yeah…" This has to be the most awkward conversation ever.

"Do you wanna join us for dinner? I made plenty…"

"Sure… Can I help with something?" she offers, but I decline. I don't really like it when people are watching me work, it gets on my nerves.

"You can put your stuff in the spareroom if you want." I tell her.

"Uh, isn't that your space?" she questions.

"Oh no, I sleep with Tegan." I brush it off.

* * *

**Sonja POV**

I always prided myself on being a cool mom, you know. I never wanted my kids to be embarrassed to talk to me, or anything.

Looks like that didn't work out, huh.

"You sleep with Tegan?" I ask.

Max turns to me wide eyed.

"Oh God! Not how I should have said that! I meant I sleep in her bed…" She's panicking, it's quiet funny really.

"And where does Tegan sleep then?" I wonder.

"Eh… in the same bed…" She's turning red from embarrassment, "But it's not what it looks like…"

I raise an eyebrow, "Isn't it?"

"No! It's just platonic… No… stuff, you know… It's innocent…" Max is completely flustered.

"Yeah right!" I chuckle, "I knew something was up when Tegan sent me that video of you learning her how to waltz…"

/Flashback/

Tegan had started to sent her mum vlogs about her day on the road… mostly about pure boredom. One time Max had walked in wearing her headphones.

"Hey! Come say Hi to mum!" Tegan told her.

"Oh… ehm… hi." Max waved to the camera.

"What're you listening to?" Tegan pointed at the headphones.

"Strauss… Classical music."

Tegan pulled a face, "Ewww, boring."

"I think it's beautiful…" Max smiled, "My grandpa taught me to appreciate it."

"Same grandpa that taught you to tie a bowtie?" Tegan questioned.

Max chuckled, "Yup, he also showed me how to properly dance with a lady. I can waltz, foxtrot and jive."

"Seriously?" Tegan laughed, "Come on then, show me! Teach me the waltz!"

"Uhm okay…" Max awkwardly pulled Tegan closer, "Right hand here,… your left here… Just follow me lead…" Max guided her.

"Tee, you need to step on the floor not my feet." Max chuckled.

It had been the most clumsy waltz ever, but Sonja had enjoyed Tegan's laughter, something she hadn't heard in a while. They danced and laughed for over ten minutes, completely forgetting about the running camera.

Tegan giggled when Max twirled her and she squealed when Max dipped her. When Max pulled her back up, they were standing much closer. They softly swayed in place, until Max stepped away.

"You were a lovely dancepartner, when you weren't attacking my feet." She gave Tegan a kiss on the cheek, that lingered just a bit too long, and Sonja could see Tegan swoon.

"Bye Sonja!" Max waved to the camera and left.

/ end flashback/

"That didn't mean anything…" Max sputters.

"It did mean something to Tegan…" I tell her, "You're hurting Tegan by denying your feelings Max."

Max pulls a face, "You're not going to use Tegan against me, are you?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You know what I mean! You come here and tell me that I'm hurting Tegan?!" Max is getting angry, "I'm hurting her?! I'm fucking doing everything I can for her! But it's never fucking enough is it?! No, everyone has an opinion on how I should treat her, but did you ever fucking think that Tegan and I talked about this? That what we have now, is all we want to have? That we don't fucking need more from each other?" She's so upset, and I take a small step back.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

"Honey, I'm hoooooome!" I shout when I walk in, heading towards the kitchen, "It smells delicious in here! I'm just gonna change real quick, and then I'll set the table!"

I round the corner to find Max looking really upset, talking to my mum. You can cut the tension with a knife.

"Mum? Hi!" I give her a quick hug and then move to Max's side, "Babe? Are you okay?" I rub her back.

"Yeah, I'm fine… But maybe you should talk to your mother… in the livingroom." She bites, and I'm surprised by the hostility in her voice.

"Uh, okay…" I lean in, and give her a quick kiss, before going to the livingroom with mum.

* * *

"What did you say to her?" I ask.

"I didn't say anything…" She mumbles, and I raise an eyebrow, silently calling her bullshit.

"I might have said that it's obvious that the two of you are more than friends..." Mum said.

"You really think she didn't know that already?" I ask sarcastically.

"Well, she could have fooled me! She keeps insisting that you guys are just friends!" She says.

This is so frustrating, "That's because we're not in a relationship Mum!"

"But why not? Sara has told me everything, you practically live together!" Mum shouts.

I snap, "Because the last person I actually lived with cheated on me! After five fucking years!"

"Teetee, I'm sorry…" Mum tries to hug me, but I pull away.

"I'm an adult, I don't need anyone to interfere in my life. And Max is part of my life, and whether I call her my girlfriend or my best friend or my wife, that's none of your concern." I tell her off, "And she can sleep in my bed, and she can kiss me, and she can stay in my home as long as she wants, because I say so. And I don't care what you or Sara say about that, because it's my life, and Max belongs in it, just as much as you and Sara do." I finish. My heart is pounding in my chest, I never raised my voice against my mother before.

"Okay…" Mum whispers, "As long as you're happy…"

I look toward the kitchen, where I know Max is making me dinner. _Am I happy?_

* * *

**Tegan POV**

I have been thinking for days, I have been frustrated for days. Am I happy with this? Can I continue like this for the next few years? I feel like whatever Max and I have, is stuck. I don't think she'll ever ask me out. Something is always holding her back.

"Max, why are you so afraid to love?" I ask.

"That's personal." She doesn't even look up from the TV.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy, "Babe, we're at my apartment, where we have been for the past weeks, we've been sharing a bed for months, you're laying in my arms for fuck's sake. There's no 'personal' with us!"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Max mumbles.

"But I wanna hear about it." I argue.

"I can't…" she shakes her head.

She's so frustrating, "You can! You just won't!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She raises her voice.

"It means that you just refuse to acknowledge that people… that I… have a right to know."

"You don't have any right! We're not married! Back off!" She bites

Yeah, we're not married, "I think you should go back to your place Max…" I sigh, tears already stinging in my eyes.

"What? Why?" She looks so shocked, and I almost lose my resolve.

"Because, I can't do this anymore… You're not in this completely, and it hurts… It hurts too much…" tears start spilling.

Max disappears into my room, but comes out minutes later with her bags.

"You're not even going to fight for this?" I wonder

Max sighs, refusing to meet my eyes, "I was… These past few weeks, that was me fighting… I'm not going to keep hurting you, I can't do that…" She opens the door.

**Max POV**

Well, I guess this is it, I finally pushed her away. I open the door to leave.

"Did you love Lee?" Tegan chokes out.

I'm shocked, "How do you know about Lee?"

"You shout that name when you have nightmares… Did you love him?" She asks again.

I don't have to think about it, "I did… I loved him a lot."_ I still do_.

"What happened to him?" She asks.

"He…", I decide to tell the truth, "He died." At least part of the truth.

"Max?" I take a deep breath, "I'm in love with you…"

I nod "And that's why I have to go…"

**AN: sooooo, this is probably the worst thing I've ever written... but leave a review anyways? I'm sorry! **


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Sorry for the wait, school's been a bitch. This is a bit of a dark chapter, and it's a lot at to take at once, but I thought it'd be easier to read in one piece. Just felt like it should stay together. Trigger warning for substance abuse, nothing too creepy though. Enjoy, and please leave a review!**

* * *

**Sara POV**

To say things are awkward would be an understatement.

Max was moved to my side of the stage, and her bunk is now the furthest away from Tegan's. We don't even share a hotelroom with her anymore.

And that's only the professional part of it all. Ever tried to be nice to the person who broke your sisters' heart? Not easy.

Tegan is trying to keep up a strong front, and she's doing great. Except that she doesn't talk to Max at all. And Max doesn't really talk to anyone anymore.

Tegan just finished another song, and it's so sad and depressing, just like the other five songs she's written since her fight with Max. I swear, these songs beat The Con on the scale of depressing lovesongs, and I was sure things couldn't get worse than The Con. Guess I was wrong.

I'm not going to fall asleep anytime soon, and I'm kinda thirsty, so I head to the kitchen.

I pass Max who's sitting on the couch, knees up and face hidden under her hoodie, _as usual._

"You're still up?" I ask.

Max doesn't looks up, her dark, brooding eyes have been avoiding my face ever since we left for Europe.

"Obviously." She deadpans.

I know I'm going to hate myself for doing this, but I sit down next to her.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I'm fine." She grumbles.

"You don't look fine," I say, "You look horrible."

"Just leave me be," She croaks, "I'm fine."

"Great." I stand up, a little upset. It shouldn't surprise me though, Max has been a little shit lately.

"Sara?" She stops me, "Could you… could you check up on her?" Her eyes flicker to Tegan's bunk.

My heart melts at her obvious concern for Tegan, but at the same time I wanna punch her. If she cares so much, then why did she leave?

"Yeah," I nod, "but I'm not gonna report back to you. If you wanna know how she's doing, you should try talking to her."

Max hangs her head, and I leave her alone, ignoring the half empty bottle of God-knows-what on the table.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

I'm hiding in my bunk. On my own fucking bus. I don't wanna see her. Cause every time I do, I feel my heart breaking again.

And still, I'm concerned for her. She looks so lost, crouched on that stupid couch. She's never looked smaller than she does now, her body wrapped in a hoodie that's so large it looks more like a tent on her. She hasn't slept in weeks, I can hear her wandering around at night, but I only know that because I haven't been sleeping either.

The bus halts, time for bathroom breaks, and snack shopping at the gas station in bumfuck nowhere. I get out, fresh air, and all that.

Walking into the store I bump into Max. I almost fall over, but her strong hands steady me.

"Sorry…" She mumbles. I feel frozen to the spot, she hasn't been this close to me since…

She drops her hands, and we stand there looking at the ground for what feels like centuries.

"Tegan!" Mum beckons me, snapping both of us out of this uncomfortable moment.

I head over to mum, but I turn around to look at Max, who's heading back to the bus. For some reason, my brain refuses to process the telltale sounds of clinking glass coming from Max's bag.

* * *

**Sonja POV**

We lost Max. No one has seen her, no one has heard from her for at least three hours. Sara tried calling her, but she left her phone on the bus.

Tegan doesn't want to admit it, but she's really worried. We sent Jasper, Ted and Adam out to find her. The girls had an interview to get to.

I'm kinda considering calling the police, when Max stumbles back onto the bus.

"Where were you?!" I yell, "Everyone is out looking for you!"

Max looks at me like I've gone mad, "You don't actually believe they'd look for _me_? They hate me."

"No they don't." I argue, even though I know everyone has been blaming Max for the current tension on the bus.

"Oh come on! Look out the window! They're just standing outside, drinking a beer!" She says, almost laughing at my naiveté.

I look out, and yeah, they're just standing there. I can't believe it.

"Where have you been?" I ask.

"I was replacing some strings on the guitars. And cleaning the others." She says, "If you don't believe me, you can check my fingers, I cut myself a few times." She holds out her hands for me to see.

I take hold of her hands, not noticing her flinching. I gently rub my fingers over her calloused hands.

She reminds me of my father, with her strong hands, her musky cologne, and just the faintest smell of guitar strings and bourbon.

"You can always talk to me if you need to." I tell her.

Max chuckles, "No I can't, you're her mother."

"Yeah, but I have two kids, and I learned that a fight always consists of two people doing something stupid. So you can come to me." I say.

She sighs, looking at the ground, "No, she looks too much like you."

She pulls her hands away, and leaves me alone in the room.

* * *

**Ted POV**

Sonja told us off for not looking for Max. And I'm kinda ashamed of how I've treated her lately. It's just with her leaving Tegan, things have been really hard on all of us. The tension is driving everybody insane. And Max is an easy target, being all dark, and bitchy. So we all just blamed her for making Tegan cry.

"I wanna put You Wouldn't Like Me on the setlist for tonight." Tegan announces during soundcheck.

Sara groans, "We've never played that song with this band, we can't teach them a song in four hours!"

"Ted knows it, he can teach them." Tegan argues, looking at me.

"Fine, Max knows it too, right?" Sara turns to Max, who nods silently.

"Yeah, ask her if she's up to it." Tegan says, not even looking at Max.

Max puts down her guitar with a bang, "I'm right fucking here! It isn't going to kill you to ask me yourself!" She snaps, stomping of stage.

Sara directs a dirty look at Tegan, who doesn't move, eyes fixed on a dirty patch on the floor.

"I'll go talk to her." I offer, rushing off the stage before anyone can answer.

I find Max outside sitting on a railing, nursing a can of beer.

"Hey…" I start awkwardly, sitting down next to her.

"Don't worry," she mumbles, "I'll come back inside in a minute."

"I don't care about that," I tell her, "I just wanted to know how you're holding up."

"I'm fine." She shrugs.

"I don't believe you." I pluck the can out of her hands, and toss it away, "It's a bit early for that, don't you think?"

Max sighs, "I couldn't find anything else."

"I don't believe that either," I chuckle, "If you need to talk to someone, I'm here for you, okay?"

She rolls her eyes at me, "Let's just go back inside."

* * *

**Max POV**

Italy. Just a reminder of how much of an outcast I really am. I should belong here, this is where my family's from. But I never felt more alone in the entire world.

The show is in full swing, but my mind is somewhere else. I don't know where it is, but it's not here, I'm not here.

I hear the beginning of the Now I'm All Messed Up, and I gather myself for the deathblow that I know is coming.

I turn slightly so I don't have to look at Tegan as she sings, because I know I can't handle that. I start a mental countdown.

Sara singing "Go", while Tegan sings in the background vocals to "Please stay" makes me wanna cry every time I hear it.

The desperation in her pleads makes it feel like she's screaming at me, even though I know I'm being ridiculous. When we walk off stage, I just want one thing, to forget the pain.

**Tegan POV**

The ringing of my phone wakes me up. I squint at the alarmclock to see that it's 4 AM. _Who could need me at this time?_

I pick up the phone, "Hello, this is Tegan Quin?"

The only words I need to hear are "Maxine Di Gennaro" and "Spiritus Sanctus Hospital" and I'm out of bed, calling a cab to pick me up.

Max is waiting for me in an ER cubicle, the ones with the curtains and the zero privacy you always see on TV.

"Damnit! I told them to call Ted!" Max groans.

_Seriously?! _"What? You think I wouldn't have figured it out? You look like you've been hit by a fucking bus!" I snap.

"Did you sign the paperwork? I wanna get out of here." Max grumbles.

"No, the nurse said that the doctor has to come by first." I answer, taking a seat on the plastic chair next to her bed.

We sit in awkward silence for at least fifteen minutes before the doctor finally comes over.

"Ciao! You are the tourists, right?" He asks in a thick Italian accent.

"No, io parlo Italiano." Max answers him.

"Yeah, but I don't," I interrupt, "So, English would be appreciated."

The man smiles, before starting to sum up Max's injuries, some bruises, scrapes, and a few stitches on her chin.

"They should come out by themselves in two weeks, but you have to keep them dry." He explains, "Now, you have to take these painkillers, so no alcohol allowed."

I chuckle, "No problem, she doesn't ever drink alcohol."

The guy raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn't comment.

"Well, you're free to go, but next time, you should try to take on someone your own size, or better don't fight at all." The doctor hands some papers over to Max.

"So that's what happened? You got into a fight?" I ask when we're outside.

Max doesn't say anything, and it's all the answer I need.

I sigh, "You're gonna get yourself killed someday."

Max just shrugs.

* * *

**Sara POV**

Max's stitches were long gone, but not forgotten. Tegan didn't really tell me anything about what happened, but I know Max hasn't been herself lately.

We decided last night to meet at the hotel lobby at 8 AM, and Max is officially fifteen minutes late. I tried calling her, but she isn't picking up her phone and I'm worried.

"Tegan, can you go get Max?" I ask.

Tegan looks upset, "Why me?"

"Because, she would never let anyone else into her room." I explain. And I know it hurts Tegan to hear that, but it's the truth.

**Tegan POV**

I'm banging the door, shouting for Max to come out, but she doesn't respond to anything I do. I dig through my pockets to find the emergency keycard for her room. Suddenly I feel like I'm in a bad horror movie.

Her room is empty, except for the liquor bottles that litter the floor. A sick uneasiness settles into my stomach.

I open the bathroom door, Max is laying face down on the floor, not moving.

"Max!" I shriek in fear, kneeling next to her. I turn her over, my heart racing.

I sigh in relief when I feel her breath against the back of my hand.

I grab a cup from the sink, fill it with water and empty it on her face.

Max gasps, waking up.

She rubs her head, "Wha…?" she croaks, and I have to resist the urge to scream at her.

"You reek of alcohol. Get in the shower." I say, suddenly feeling tired.

Max tries to sit up, but she can't and I have to pull her up. She's fumbling with the button of her jeans, and I just don't have the patience anymore. I undress her and plant her ass in the tub.

"Tegan, I …" Max starts, but I cut her off, "Shut up." I can't hear it anymore. I can't have anymore of her lame excuses and half-truths. I can't anymore.

I clean her off, but when I go to take clean clothes out of her bag, I find three bottles of booze.

I feel like I should be angry, I should be crying, maybe I should even blame myself, but all I feel is tired.

I take the bottles with me to the bathroom, pouring them down the drain so Max can see. I want to say something, but there just aren't words.

I toss her the clothes, "Get dressed, you're already late."

I help her onto the bus, ignoring the questioning looks from the others. I push her into my bunk, cause I know there is no way in hell she'll be able to climb up into hers.

"I'm going to your bunk and I'm tossing all your…" I hesitate to say it, "I'm tossing everything."

Max can only nod dumbly.

Her bunk is littered with bottles. I don't know how we didn't notice before, the smell of alcohol is overpowering. No, I do know why we didn't notice, it's because I moved her as far away from me as possible.

Bottle after bottle disappears down the drain. But I don't even bother to count, it would hurt too much.

I, of all people, should have seen this. I should have known this was happening, but I didn't. I was so wrapped up in my own hurt, that I didn't see Max's.

I go back to check on her. She's completely curled up in my bed, her back to me. It makes me think of the times when she would wait up for me, and wrap me in her arms.

"I feel like beating the shit out of you." I say.

Max turns around, facing me, but avoiding my eyes.

I pull the hood of her sweater down, to look at her. Her hair is shaggy, and longer than I have ever seen it. I can see the tiny new scar on her chin, from her fight in Italy. Her face shows how much weight she's lost over the past months. And her eyes, they are empty, like she's not even here with me. Empty, and tired. It's the best way to describe her, it's the best way to describe me.

"When's the last time you actually slept?" I ask.

Max's eyes look everywhere, except at my face, "You're talking to me…" she whispers, and I can hear the question in her voice.

I ignore it, now isn't the time to talk about us, "You should sleep."

"I can't…" a lonely tear runs down her face, and she doesn't bother to wipe it away.

"Do you want me to get Mr. Rabbit?" I ask, the old stuffed bunny always has a calming effect on her.

She shakes her head, "I don't need that… I… I need you."

The confession hurts more than words can describe.

I chuckle bitterly, "I know you need me. But you don't _want_ to need me. You hate yourself for needing me. You start drinking to forget that you need me." I sigh, "What do you want me to do? I can't be with someone who will do anything to not need me."

"You used to believe that I would change…" Max whispers.

"I can't force you to be something, someone, that you aren't." I shake my head, "I tried to give you everything, but you still walked away."

I stand up, and move away from Max, I just can't do this right now.

"Sara? Can I have a word with you?" I yell, already heading to the backroom.

**Sara POV**

The second I walk into the backroom, I am tackled in a hug by Tegan. I wrap my arms around her, and she starts sobbing uncontrollably.

I move us so I'm sitting on the couch, with my sister on my lap, clinging to me as she cries her heart out.

"I… I… thought she was dead…" Tegan chokes out.

"What? What happened?" I rub her back, trying to calm her down.

"She… She was the floor, and there was booze everywhere… and I thought… she was dead…" The sobbing starts again.

"Shh, Teetee, it's fine, she's not dead… it's fine…" I shush her.

"I don't think it was a onetime-thing… Her bunk was filled with bourbon… she's been drinking a lot since…since…" Tegan cries, "she's drinking because I love her."

And it all makes sense now. Max constantly being late, being hazy, going out alone, the fighting, how mum told me she smells like metal and bourbon. She was drunk, all the time.

"We need to do something." I tell Tegan, "We need to toss all the alcohol on the bus, not only hers, but everyone's."

"She's not an alcoholic." Tegan argues.

"Maybe not," I agree, "But she will become one, if we don't stop it right now. From now on, Max will be on a special regime. She can't leave the bus on her own anymore, and she's back in a hotelroom with us. We need to keep an eye on her."

Tegan sighs, "I don't want to keep an eye on her…"

"I'm sorry…" I say, and I really am. No one would want to spend every waking hour with the person that broke your heart.

I let her cry on my shoulder for as long as she needs.

"Come on," I gently nudge her, "Wipe your eyes, we'll call Max in here, and tell her about the new rules."

Tegan shakes her head, "No, let's just go to her, she might have fallen asleep, and I don't want to wake her up."

I look at my sister, "I don't understand why you would… Why you're being so amazing to her, when she just left you."

"What?" Tegan gives me a weird look, "She didn't just leave, I told her to leave. I told her about how I'd… how I'd fallen in love with her, and then I kicked her out, cause she couldn't commit to me. She didn't just leave."

"Oh…" I don't know what to say, all this time, I've been an ass to Max, cause she'd hurt my sister, but Tegan kicked her out? Poor kid…

"C'mon." Tegan pulls me up, and we head to her bunk.

Max did fall asleep, holding Tegan's blanket like I imagine she would hold Tegan.

Tegan crouches down, and gently runs her hand through Max's hair, whispering something that sounds like an apology.

"You should stay with her, I'll throw out the alcohol. I'm gonna tell the guys something about a European law against liquor on a bus, they don't need to know the truth."

Tegan nods absentmindedly, eyes still fixed on Max.

"Tee?" She looks up, "You're not starting this again are you?" I ask carefully.

She look down at Max, and then back up at me.

"I don't know…" She whispers.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: I couldn't figure this one out, but I hope it doesn't suck too hard. Leave a review!**

* * *

**Max POV**

I wake up feeling slightly disoriented. But the memories from what happened earlier slowly seep back into my consciousness, Tegan finding me, finding out about me.

"Hey." Tegan's soft voice grabs my attention, she's sitting on the floor next to the bunk. _Her bunk._

"Hey," I mumble, "How long was I asleep for?"

Tegan checks her watch, "About four hours."

"Oh…" I haven't slept that long in a while, "How long have you been sitting here?"

"About four hours." She smiles, but it feels forced and robotic, "It's part of your newfound house arrest."

"Huh?" I'm confused.

"Yup," She nods, "I talked to Sara and your ass is grounded, indefinitely."

I knew there would be consequences, but grounding me? I feel fifteen all over again.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

Tegan takes a breath, "It means that you don't get your own hotelroom anymore, you can't leave the bus on your own, you get the bunk across from mine and you have to stick with me or Sara all the time, which means you'll be coming along to interviews, photoshoots, everything really."

"Why? Can't I stay with the guys?" I really don't look forward to spending so much time with Tegan.

"Sure." She drawls, "If you really want to tell them about your little problem."

"I don't have a problem." I snap, "Wait, you didn't tell them?" I question. I was so sure that would be the first thing they'd do, warn everybody about poor, unstable Max.

"No, but Max, if you don't play by the rules, we have to tell them." Tegan grimaces, "And if we catch you drinking again, we'll call Angela and send you home."

I pull a face, "Fine, I get it."

* * *

**Max POV**

I thought things would fall back into place after a while. That, maybe, because she's spending more time with me, she would maybe consider being my friend again. But every time I try to talk to Tegan, she walks away, pretending to be busy.

Something is missing in Tegan, like she's not really…, I don't know what it is. But it's like she can't look at me. I wish she would talk to me.

They are doing an interview for some German magazine, and I'm just awkwardly sitting in a corner, trying not to laugh at the interviewer's horrible accent.

I've learned that the questions are almost always the same. About how different Heartthrob is, about their clothes, about Katy Perry… I don't understand how they can do it.

"So what about your lovelife?" The guy asks. _Oh, that's a new one!_

"I'm in a relationship," Sara answers easily, "And Tegan is single." Tegan just nods.

The guy turns his attention to Tegan, and I don't like the look on his face, it has evil supervillain written all over it.

"You're single?" He asks, and Tegan nods again, "There are a lot of rumors though, about you dating your female guitarist? What do you have to say about that?"

Tegan's eyes widen, "I… uh… I didn't know about those rumors." She chuckles awkwardly, "They're not true. Max is an employee, and that's it."

I hang my head, feeling like I've just been kicked in the gut. I'm not even a friend, just an employee. I turn my attention back to the book I was reading before, tuning out the rest of the interview.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

I'm pacing the hotelroom like a madman. I just woke up, but it's still 4AM, and Max isn't here.

I called her, but she left her phone on the nightstand. I'm fucking worried, what if she's in a bar somewhere? Getting in trouble? Fighting?

The door creeps open, and Max tries to sneak in.

I grab her by the shoulders and crash her into the wall.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" I scream, "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Max looks shocked, "I just went for a run..."

I can't believe her! "In the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT?!" I shout, "What is wrong with you?!"

I don't give her a chance to answer, hitting her shoulder with my fist.

"Did you drink?" I accuse her, I'm being completely irrational, but I couldn't care less. I hit her again, and again.

**Max POV**

Tegan breaks down in hysterics, her fists flailing around, shoving me, screaming at me.

I grab her wrists, keeping them away from me.

"Calm down!" I yell at her.

"I thought you were dead! I found you!" She starts sobbing.

I'm quick to gather her in my arms, rubbing her back.

"I found you..." She cries.

And that's when the penny drops, she found me. I didn't even think about it. She found me, unconscious on the bathroom floor.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, holding her tight.

"Please stop," She sobs, "You're not just destroying yourself, but you're destroying me too."

I can't say anything but sorry, and I do. I repeat it again and again, until Tegan pushes me away. She wipes her eyes, and crawls back into her own bed. She doesn't say a word, but I can feel the distance between us grow with every unspoken word.

* * *

**Max POV**

We're shopping in Antwerp, Belgium. Well, Tegan's shopping and I'm trailing behind her like a puppy. Stacey came over for the last week of Europe, so Tegan's stuck with me.

She didn't complain or anything, but I know she'd rather not spend her time with me.

"What do you think?" she holds up a black shirt.

"It's okay." I shrug.

Things are still so painfully awkward between us, we're only speaking when necessary.

We pass a little music store.

"You wanna check it out?" I ask quietly.

Tegan doesn't answer, but she heads in, leaving me to just follow her.

I go straight to the guitars, admiring their beauty.

I browse a little before I see one that really catches my eye. I know that guitar. I used to have a poster on my wall when I was younger of that very same guitar.

I carefully take it off its stand, running my fingers over the smooth body.

"What ya looking at?" Tegan pops up next to me, "Oh, that looks cool."

"Looks cool?" I stare at her, "It's a Seagull s6 Original!"

She gives me blank stare, "This is the Mona Lisa of guitars!" I exclaim dramatically, "It's like… like…"

Tegan chuckles, "Calm down, you look like you're about to have a stroke."

"How can you not know this guitar? It's epic!"

She shrugs, "Acoustic or western?" she asks.

"Acoustic, in the best way. This is the guitar I dreamt of when I was 16. It's so beautiful." I sigh.

"What does it sound like?" she asks.

I have to think for a second, "There's not really a way to describe it… it's soft and comforting. Like curling up in your favorite blanket with hot chocolate in the winter. It makes you feel warm and fuzzy, and I don't know… it's like getting a hug…" We both chuckle at my mushiness.

"You are such a softie," Tegan laughs, "Come on, play something."

"What? No…" I hesitate, "I can't afford this anyway…"

"Well, if you can convince me, I'll buy it for you, for the band…" Tegan says.

I settle down on the ground, pulling the guitar on my lap.

"What should I play?" I ask, unsure.

Tegan sits down across from me, "Pick something. You're the expert."

I gently strum for a second, thinking about a song to play. I kinda know what I wanna play, but I don't know if I can, you know, with Tegan sitting here.

"You're overthinking it, just play something." She whispers.

I decide to throw caution in the wind, and go for it.

I strum with more confidence, taking a deep breath.

_"And I'd give up forever to touch you" _

Tegan gasps as she realizes which song I'm playing._  
"'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now"_

I sing softly, so only she can hear me. I don't dare to look up, I know I'm probably pissing her off by choosing this. But I continue anyway.

_"And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's meant to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's meant to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am"_

I carefully look up as I finish the song.

Tegan has tears in her eyes.

"You couldn't pick another song?" she chuckles, wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry…"I mumble, " I just… don't know what I was thinking."

Tegan laughs, "You weren't thinking, as usual."

I sigh, standing up to put the Seagull back where it came from.

"Don't." Tegan says softly, "I'm buying that."

"Seriously?" my eyes widen.

"Yeah, for Love They Say. It's perfect." She nods.

I'm so excited! I jump up and down, squealing like a child.

Tegan laughs at my antics, and it's a real laugh, one that I haven't heard in a while.

I smile, "It's so good to hear you laugh again…"

She ducks her head down, blushing, "Well, it's good to hear you being so passionate again…"

* * *

**Max POV**

I'm laying awake in my bunk. Sleep alludes me, like it does so often. I toss and turn, but I'm just not tired.

"Max?" Tegan's voice comes to me in a whisper, "Open your curtain?"

I do as she tells me. I stare at the bunk across from mine for a second before she opens her curtains too. I only now realize how close together we've been sleeping. If I reach out, I can almost touch her.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Nothing," she mutters, "I just can't sleep."

"Yeah, me neither…" I whisper.

We stare at each other for a while, before she breaks the silence.

"You used to sleep better in my bed…"

"I did." I nod.

"Why?" She asks.

"I don't know… I was tired, I guess… And safe… you always felt safe to me, and warm…"

Tegan closes her eyes, shaking her head, "I hate you for leaving me."

"I hate you for making me leave…" I whisper, tears prickling in my eyes. _I will not cry._

"Sleep with me?" She pleads, "just for tonight?"

"If you let me in your bed tonight, I'll come back every night, you know that" I sigh, "I won't do that to you again."

"God, I just... I love you too much…" Tegan groans, closing the curtain.

I stare at her bunk for a while, listening to the rustling of sheets, until I realize she won't be coming back.

_She really loves me?_

* * *

**AN: the song is Iris by GooGooDolls, the song that Max chose as 'their' song. **


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: I am soooo sorry for not updating in a while, i was just ****_really_**** stuck on this, and i'm still not too sure about the direction i'm going but, yeah... Leave a review? Maybe even some tips?**

* * *

**Max POV**

I plop down on a parkbench near the bus. I got permission to go for a run on my own. I was hoping it would clear my head a bit, but it didn't.

Tegan has been rolling through my mind, she said she loves me. What am I supposed to do with that? I mean, she said it before, when I left her, but I didn't really think she meant it. But now she said it again, and I… I don't know what to do.

I burry my head in my hands.

"Well, if I'd known that this is your way of going for a run, I would have joined you ages ago." Ted teases, sitting down next to me.

"What are you doing here? Checking up on me?" I ask.

"No, I just saw you head here, and I thought we could talk?"

I frown, "About what?"

"Tegan." He says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't wanna talk about her." I groan.

"I do… Did you ever talk to anyone about your break up?"

"We didn't break up." I sigh, "We were never together."

"You were." Ted says, "It's not because you didn't define it, that it didn't exist."

I groan, "Are you kidding me? I was dating Tegan, without knowing it? Even I am not that dense!"

Ted chuckles, "Obviously you are! Come on, Max, it's like loving someone. You don't have to say it every minute, to feel it."

"What do you mean?" I ask, not knowing anything about loving someone.

"People are defined by their actions, if you act like a good person, you are a good person. If you treat someone like you love them, it's because you love them. You don't just kiss anyone, you kiss someone you care about, someone you love." Ted says, "Like, I know my wife loves me, because she lets me go on tour, because she knows that this makes me happy. It's the things you do for each other that really define a relationship, not the words you use."

I let his words run through my head, do I love Tegan?

I shake my head, feeling ridiculous. I'm Max, I don't do love.

I shut my train of thought down, locking it away. Me and Tegan, it's never going to be anything. It's just not meant to be.

* * *

**Sara POV**

I don't know what happened, but they've been picking fights over everything! We were busy with soundcheck, when they just started screaming at each other.

"You can't just go ahead and change the tabs!" Max yells, guitar still in hand.

"Yes I can!" Tegan shouts, "I'm the BOSS, remember!"

"REALLY? You really wanna go there?!"

_Uh oh!_

"Yeah! Let's fucking go there!" Tegan's voice is laced with venom, "You quit on us!"

"YOU kicked ME out!" Max argues, "You don't get to do this!"

Tegan stomps on the floor, "I love you! And you still left!"

Maybe I should intervene, but they need this. They never fought after what happened, and neither dealt with it very well. Max drank herself stupid, for God's sake!

"What was I supposed to do?" Max cries out, "I never wanted any of that!"

"You used me!" Tegan screams, "I was good enough to hold you at night! But when I wanted something in return, you left!"

Max looks shocked, "I didn't use you…" her small voice stands in sharp contrast with the screaming from before.

"You never even tried!" Tegan yells.

"I tried!" Max shouts, "But I don't wanna keep fighting for something that should be easy!"she rubs her hand over her forehead, "I'm just so sick of fighting." She sighs, and my heart breaks a little for her.

Tegan grunts, frustrated. She stomps away from Max.

**Max POV**

I watch Tegan leave the stage. I feel like I could cry any minute now.

Suddenly, she trips over a cable. She groans in pain as her ankle twists awkwardly.

The sound of her being in pain makes my heart stop and I rush toward her.

"Leave me alone!" she grunts.

"Shut up Tegan!" I grumble, hoisting her up on a nearby amp, "Just let me have a look."

Tegan looks beyond pissed when I carefully slide her pantleg up to inspect her ankle.

"Crap, it's already swelling." I mumble, gently prodding the sore limb. Tegan curses in pain.

"Don't touch me!" she mutters, pulling her foot away from me.

I sigh, "C'mon, let me carry you to the bus."

"I can walk." She snaps, sliding down from the amp, "See? It's fin – oowaah FUCK!" she screams as she puts her foot on the ground.

"Fine, ey?" I grin sarcastically, "C'mon." I open my arms for her, easily lifting her of the ground and carrying her bridal style to the bus.

"I hate you." She pouts, making me chuckle.

**Tegan POV**

As if it wasn't bad enough that she carried me to the bus, Max also insists on carrying me into the hotelroom.

She gently sets me down on the bed.

"Try to take you shoe off," she says, "and keep that ankle elevated."

She locates the fridge, and squats down in front of it, while I struggle with my shoe.

Opening the fridge, her movements falter for a second as she spots the alcoholic drinks, but she keeps searching for god-knows-what.

"Ha!" she cries out triumphant, holding up an icepack.

Max carefully wraps my ankle, and I hiss at the cold.

"Is it broken?" I ask.

Max chuckles, "Nah, if it was broken, you would know. I think it's just sprained. It'll hurt like hell for a while, though."

I look at her skeptically, "How do you know?"

"Cause, I've broken bones before, trust me, you know when it's broken." She grins.

"I didn't know…" I mumble, "why don't I know those things?"

"Know what?"

"That you broke something."

"I was a kid, it's a lifetime ago." She smiles, "You shouldn't walk anymore today, the show tonight will be bad enough."

"So I'm stuck here?" I groan.

Max nods, bringing me my laptop, "Shout when you need me."

She sits down on her own bed, on the other side of the room. The distance between us is ridiculous.

"You know, if we're stuck here, we might as well talk…" I suggest quietly.

Max groans, "We'll just start fighting again…"

"Maybe," I shrug, "But I wanna try."

"Fine," Max shakes her head, smiling bitterly, "Talk."

"You're too far away," I mumble, "Come here." And as always, Max does as I say, sitting down awkwardly on the edge of my bed.

"Max come on.."I pull on her elbow until she's laying down beside me.

I enjoy the silence for a second, until I remember that we're supposed to talk.

"So, how are you?" I cringe at my stupid question.

"Fine…" Max sighs

"You had a moment, just now… I saw you check out the fridge." I say, "Are you really okay?"

"Yeah," She nods, "I mean, I saw it, but I pulled through. It's fine."

"Max?" I turn on my side to look at her, "Are you… an alcoholic?"

"No, I just… it's an easy way to escape the hurt. But I don't have any problem stopping." She refuses to look at me, "It's just easier."

"You don't have to hide from me…" I whisper, cradling her face, so she has to look at me. She looks ashamed, "You had a weak moment. It happens. But, I'm so proud of you."

She shakes her head, not believing me, "Why would you be proud of me?"

"Because," one of my hands moves to scratch the back of her neck, "you're fighting to get better. Even though you still hurt, you're learning to live with it. I'm proud of you."

"Tee?" Max closes her eyes, willing the tears away. "Will it ever stop hurting?"

"Sure, after a while you'll just completely forget about me." I smile sadly.

"I don't wanna forget you…" Max softly cries. "Why is this so hard?"

"Because I love you…" I choke up, "and you can't believe that…"

Her dark, watery eyes find mine, silently questioning my statement.

"Babe, I'm not stupid," I wipe away my tears, "you think you don't deserve love, or happiness. I see it every day. Something, or someone is always holding you back…" Max tries to interrupt me, but I continue anyways, "I know you won't talk about it, that's not the point. The point is, that you do deserve to be happy." I smile, "And I deserve to be loved, so you don't have a choice."

Max chuckles, "You're insane."

"Maaaybe…"

When our laughter dies down, I become aware of Max fingers gently prodding my own. I watch in awe as she gently parts my fingers to slide hers in between, intertwining our hands for the first time in months.


	25. Chapter 25

**Tegan POV**

I'm trying to concentrate on writing a song, but Max is distracting me. Well, she's not actively trying to distract me, she's just a distracting person. Ugh, I don't make any sense.

She's not doing anything. She's just playing that guitar I bought her, bought for the band. Hearing her go on and on about why it was such an amazing instrument, it made me smile. I could see her eyes light up, like she came to live. It brought the old Max back, my Max.

We're trying to be friends again. And I couldn't be happier, but there's still a part of me that wonders 'what if?'. What if she hadn't left. Would she have ever returned my feelings? I shouldn't dwell on it, I know it'll only drag me down. I love her, in some ways I will always love her, but we will never work as a couple. It's just not meant to be.

"Tegan?" Max pulls me out of my thoughts, "What are you thinking so hard about?"

_You._

"Sex." I answer without missing a beat, knowing it'll make her so uncomfortable that she'll stop asking. It's not nice, but she's so easily embarrassed.

Her face flushes, "What?" she looks horrified, and it's absolutely hilarious.

"Yeah," I nod, trying hard to keep a straight face, "I was just thinking, that you really don't have any idea what Drove Me Wild is about."

"It's pretty obvious, no?"

"Well, yeah, but you don't know what it's like to drive someone's body to the edge." I tease, "You never had a naked woman moaning underneath you, begging for more."

Her eyes widen comically, and her ears turn red.

"I… uh… I… go…" She makes some weird gestures, before rushing away from me.

"No masturbation on the bus!" I holler after her.

_God, she's easy!_

* * *

**Tegan POV**

Just a few more days, and then it's over. For a while at least. With the summer coming, everyone just wants to be at home.

"Hey Teegles." Sara greets cheery. Too cheery.

My eyes narrow, "What do you want?"

"Nothing!" she laughs, "I just wanted to be nice to you."

"Yeah right!" I chuckle.

She plops down next to me, and I automatically move a little closer to her. It's a thing I just do, I like being close to her. I'm definitely the clingy twin.

"Sooooo," she drawls, "Excited for the tour to be over?"

"Sure." I shrug. It's a bit of a lie. Even though life on the road is hard, it's where I'm supposed to be. I love going home, sure, just not for too long.

Sara nudges me, "Why not?" She's always been able to see right through me.

"I dunno…" I mumble

She decides to change subjects, "What are you doing this summer?"

"Writing." I say. What else am I going to do?

"No plans with Max?" she asks carefully.

I sigh. I'd thought about it. Being away from her will be sooo hard. But it'll do me good.

"No." I shake my head.

"You should make plans with her." Sara says, "I mean, I honestly don't know what you see in her. But she makes you happy, you can't deny that."

"Sassa, do you remember when you told me you were going to marry Emmy?" I ask.

"Yeah," she nods, "You threw a fit. Told me I was too young. I think you even threatened to kill her." She chuckles.

"Do you remember what you told me? You said that one day I would understand, that I would find someone who would make me understand. But I never really did, no one made me understand, until Max." I sigh.

"Tee…" Sara pulls me into a hug, "I thought you weren't getting back together with her?"

"I'm not…" I mumble, "it's exactly like you and Emmy… No one will ever understand me like Max does, but it just didn't work out." I say with a finality that I'm not really feeling.

"Stacey understands me…" Sara defends.

"Yeah, but not like Emmy did." I explain, "I mean, I know you love Stacey more than anything, but you know that Emmy was different, right? That's why you let her leave. You cared too much."

Sara wipes away a tear, "I hate you so much for saying that." She chuckles, "But you're right. It's Emmy, there are no words to describe her."

"But Max doesn't have to be your Emmy. You can choose for her to be your Stacey." She pats me on the shoulder, and leaves.

* * *

**Tegan POV**

We're on stage, ready to play the next song, when I realize something.

"Sara, we forgot to put a song on the setlist." I chuckle, making the audience laugh.

She throws me a quizzical look.

"We played the song during soundcheck." I tell her.

"Right!" she remembers, "Do you wanna play it now?"

"Yeah, just let me tune my guitar for a sec."

Sara starts telling a story, about how we used to tell stories during tuning, while I fiddle around. For some reason I'm struggling with the guitar, I can't find the right notes, even though I've done this a million times before.

Not knowing what else to do, I beckon Max to come help me out. She puts her own guitar down and rushes over.

**Sara POV**

The crowd starts the coo during my story, even though I'm not being remotely cute. I look to my side at Max and Tegan.

Tegan's still holding the guitar, but Max is pressed up against her back, holding the neck of the instrument. Max is twisting the pegs and holding down the frets, while Tegan strums. They're basically playing the instrument together.

"That disgusting." I joke into the microphone.

They both look up, shocked, and our audience is just loving it.

"I… uh… I think it's good now." Max stammers, before rushing back to my side of the stage.

"That was Max Di Gennaro, everybody." Tegan shouts, trying to sound casual, but I can see her blush. The audience claps and hollers.

I shake my head at how obviously in love they are, but I bite my tongue and just start playing.

* * *

**Sonja POV**

I know. I see it every day. It's obvious, it really is. They have a routine.

Tegan gets up first and starts the coffee, then she goes to get dressed. While she gets dressed, Max wakes up, and she makes two sandwiches, one with peanutbutter, and one with jelly. Then Tegan walks back in, pours a cup of coffee and sets in down in front of Max, and Max hands her the peanutbutter sandwich. No words are spoken, because no words are needed.

Tegan absolutely hates coffee, yet she makes it every morning for Max. Max hates sharing food, she can't even share Pringles, yet she willingly gives a sandwich to Tegan every morning.

That's how I know. They can never live without each other.

**Sara POV**

I know. I see it every night. It's obvious, it really is. They have a routine.

They go to sleep in their separate bunks, and wait for about an hour before Max quietly sneaks into Tegan's bunk.

They whisper for hours, until one of them falls asleep. Most of the time Max will fall asleep first, so Tegan sneaks out of her own bunk, to sleep in Max's. Sleeping together is a line she obviously won't cross anymore. But no matter what, the curtains on their bunks are always open, so they can watch each other.

That's how I know. They can never live without each other.

* * *

**Max POV**

Our last European show is this afternoon. We're playing in a recordstore, which is kinda my favorite setting. And I'm pretty sure Tegan loves it too.

"You guys," Sara calls, "The show is being filmed for the website, so dress up a bit, ey."

**Tegan POV**

"What do you think?" Max steps out, showing off her outfit. Dark sneakers, dark grey skinny jeans, a black shirt that's buttoned up to the top and her typical red beanie.

"You have an odd sense of style." I chuckle, walking up to her to unbutton the top buttons on her shirt.

"Why?" Max asks.

"I don't know," I say, running my hands over her strong shoulders, "but when you dress up, you look more like a fourteen-year-old boy."

"Sorry," Max looks down, "You can pick my clothes if you'd like?"

"Nope, you look adorable. Just no hat today." I pull it off, and run my fingers through her messy hair.

"But my hair looks horrible" Max groans.

I laugh at her, "Whining is _not_ attractive sweetie. That hat makes you look homeless. And besides, your hair is sexy as hell." I tease.

I lock my arms around her neck, ignoring all the warning bells in my head. Max's hands automatically move to my hips. I don't need to go back to Canada, her arms are my home.

Max smirks, "Really?" Her thumb finds its way under the hem of my shirt, gently stroking the skin of my back.

"Hmmm." I sigh, pulling her closer, our noses rubbing together.

"We can't do this Tee." Max protests softly, but she makes no move to stop me.

"I know babe," I whisper, "just gimme a minute."

We stand like that until Sara bangs on the door, ten minutes later.

**Sara POV**

The audience is quite calm, but they are loving the stripped version of Heartthrob.

"So, this next song," Tegan starts, "I wrote it when I was still together with my ex."

_Oh right, Lindsey! I completely forgot about her._

She continues, "But for some reason, it never occurred to me to play it for her. I'm not trying to be mean to her or anything, but I just never thought of her while playing this song."

"Is there a point to this story?" I ask my sister, knowing time is limited during these kind of shows.

"No point," Tegan responds airily, "Just thought about it."

Max, who's been moved to Tegan's side again, starts strumming the song, and Tegan sends her a look that can only be described as pure adoration, as she easily falls into the rhythm and starts singing.


End file.
